Archive for Personnel Skills
Have you stopped today to enjoy the sights and sounds of nature around you?
Many times we think we are living, but we are really just existing. We deal with the day to day and it feels like a grind.
We trudge through our day, doing our work, working on our to-do list (or lists), answering the phone and email, and trying to make “progress”. But we feel stifled, tired, worn out, stressed. We’re trying to figure out how to change things but everything we think of feels like too much extra work.
We often look for the big solutions and big changes when the little ones can have the most impact. A few weeks ago I wrote about the Value of Nature. How taking a few minutes to enjoy Nature around you can go a long way. Since that time I’ve made an effort to enjoy my back deck and the woods behind me as many days as possible. I’ve also made an effort to visit with some neighbors on their back patio.
Although my life is pretty chaotic at the moment (many major life events going on) my inner peace has been increasing on days that I’ve stopped to check out of work and the digital world and connect with Nature and neighbors. On the days I haven’t, where I keep my head down focusing on the list, telling myself I don’t have time to go outside, I find my stress continues to increase.
Life’s not perfect, it’s a rare moment that it is. It is, however for living, not existing. Instead of a “to-do list” why don’t you write a “do not do list” this week. Cut yourself some slack. Get real with yourself and those around you. Too often I observe individuals living in the in the “digital world” but missing out on the “real world” … and by that I don’t mean the contrived one on TV which isn’t all that real.
Put down the pen, leave the desk, turn off the TV. Ignore your iPhone, iPad, Blackberry, Kindle, and Nook. Connect not only with others but with yourself as well. The world will not stop if you ignore the phone, email, twitter, text or chats. If fact, I believe it would be a better place with a little less of all of that.
Be present with yourself and those around you. Be real not digital. Look at your life one day, one experience, one encounter at a time. You’ll likely be much happier. I know I am.
Live your life rather than simply existing. Peace everyone.
Need to go with the flow? Nurture yourself with a little Nature.
Do you feel the onset of burnout coming? Do you want to refresh and renew yourself? Feel like you need a vacation but don’t have the time and money for one? Think small, not big.
Often we are moving so fast we don’t realize how much time we are spending inside buildings. Our minds and bodies need to periodically visit the world outdoors.
Connecting with nature – simply letting the sun shine on your face, listening to the birds, listening to the flow of water through a stream, dam or waterfall can be wonderfully refreshing.
Even small things like packing a lunch and sitting on a park bench rather than inside a restaurant can be a boost to both your body and your mind.
Yes, a trip to the spa might be fun, but you can often get the same sense of peace and restfulness from a park. Plus, it costs a lot less!
My challenge to you is to find those small pockets of time in your schedule to take yourself outdoors. It can be something as simple as stopping at a park for just 15 minutes on your way home. Do you have a deck or patio? If so, when is the last time you had dinner outside? Try it, you just might like it.
Have a story to share about how you’ve found little pockets of time to let Nature provide a little Nurture for your mind, heart, and spirit? Click that comment button to share. Love to hear from you!
Today is a Snow Day.
One of those days you loved as a kid but tend to dread as an adult. With our increasingly busy days it can be just one more unexpected complication. One that can frustrate us quite a bit.
In the midst of rescheduling phone calls, juggling work schedules, and rearranging my day, it crossed my mind that maybe this is one of those Life Lessons that I should be paying attention to.
I could view today with a Half Full (or Quarter Full) view, focusing on the challenges and frustrations it brings. Or, I could look at as an unexpected opportunity.
We get so busy that it often seems like there isn’t enough time in the week to spend good, quality time my kids. Couldn’t I think about this as an expected opportunity to spend time with them?
So I decided to view today’s Snow Day as a Speed Bump on the Road of Life. Speed bumps are reminders not to go to fast, to slow down. I decided that I could change the way I viewed today and think of Snow Days as Play Days with the kids instead. I might not be able to play all day (darn it), but I can engage with them for at least part of the day.
My mental metaphor of a speed bump was going along pretty well and then I got an unexpected second dose of life’s imperfections.
It appears that for the past two weeks, any voice message left on my work phone went into “limbo land.” This is not the only technical glitch I’ve seen this month. I know that emails I been sending to at least one individual had not arrived. Whether they were lost in the outbound stream from me or lost in his inbound stream we don’t know. I only know that I’m glad I chose to follow up a third time just to be sure we had closed the loop.
I could have gotten angry about the missed VM, but really, what’s the point. It won’t change history. It’s an uncontrollable situation like the Snow Day. What I can (and did) do is follow up where necessary and explain. No, it’s not the same as the “my dog ate my homework,” excuse. It’s simply a fact of our technology dependent communications. Technology breaks down. It doesn’t always work.
This was a good reminder for me that just because I hit send or left a message that does not mean it was received. Too often of late, I’ve observed individuals getting frustrated with one another when there is incomplete knowledge of a situation. It’s all back to expectations. Are we expecting perfection and perfect knowledge or do we recognize and adjust to life’s challenges and the speed bumps along the way?
When things go wrong with technology, I find myself using the metaphor of Gremlins visiting. I don’t know what happened, it simply is. It was outside of my control.
What I can control is my response. Am I going to let those speed bumps annoy and frustrate me? Or might I ask myself to consider whether those speed bumps might serve some greater purpose?
My epiphany for today was that Life is not about Perfection, it’s about Imperfection.
We talk about taking the time to dance, finding the joy in the moment, the beauty in a sunrise. We often tell, share, or repeat a myriad of these little life lessons. But do we value and live by these lessons all the time or only when we have time for them? Might that be why life sends us speed bumps? A reminders to “stop and smell the roses”?
A piece of humor a friend sent yesterday ended with “Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.”
While I “received” the message yesterday and did enjoy, I think that today I truly “got it.” I need to do these activities even more than I already do. More importantly, I need to do them when presented with days full of speed bumps, not just on days with smooth sailing.
Life is about Imperfection not Perfection.
I need to share the joy of imperfections, laughing along the road of life. Living in the moment, as best as I can. After all, no one is perfect. Every minute I spend in anger is a minute I did not spend in joy.
Here’s to the imperfection in all of us. To finding ways to enjoy them, rather than being frustrated by them. May you live, love, and laugh often. Preferably all the time, rather than just when it’s convenient.
Oh, by the way, the dog has actually eaten the homework in our house. Along with toys, glasses, a wallet etc. As I sit here and type, I am reminded that I am looking through dog scratches on my lenses. I can either choose to focus on them, which is quite distracting, or I can choose to try and ignore them. I’ve found that if ignore them for a few minutes, I can typically read “past” them. The eyes and brain make adjustments. The glasses aren’t perfect, but they are good enough. That, I decided was another of life’s lessons.
You can choose to look past the imperfections and still see with clarity.
A few weeks back I wrote Are You an Entrepreneur? … or Maybe Not? In that article I mentioned a book soon coming to market by Carol Roth, The Entrepreneur Equation. I’m thrilled to announce that the book has arrived. Not only has it arrived, it arrived in true Carol Roth style.
I met Carol last year at the World Business Forum. She is a savvy female executive, who not only plays in the big leagues, she does it on her own terms and with her own style. If you doubt that, check out those pink shoes! Carol has never shied away from hard facts and uncomfortable realities, especially when it comes to the business world.
Carol’s book can help you answer more than just “Could I be an entrepreneur?” but rather “Should I be an entrepreneur?” We all probably can be if we wanted it bad enough. If we threw enough time, energy, and money at it. However, just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. You can jump off the roof of a house, but should you. It’s your choice.
The Entrepreneur Equation outlines a framework for both new entrepreneurs evaluating whether to start a business as well as current entrepreneurs who are overwhelmed and overworked or even evaluating the future of their business model. It’s unlike other books out there that promise “seven steps to success”. To quote Carol, “those seven step are B.S. - entrepreneurship isn’t one size fits all.”
Success as a business owner is dependent upon your own circumstances, goals and objectives at any given time. What’s a good risk/reward tradeoff for you is entirely different from what’s a good tradeoff for anyone else. Carol’s book gives you a framework to maximize your own personal success, based on your goals and objectives, not someone else’s.
During this week, you can take part in Carol’s Power of Three. So what is The Power of Three (other than a Charmed episode)? Well, for every copy of The Entrepreneur Equation you pre-order through http://theentrepreneurequation.com/special-offers/ by February 18, 2011, you:
1 - Help yourself (or perhaps a client, colleague, friend or family member) stack the odds of success in your or their favor;
2 – Help a small business succeed, as Carol will match your purchase by donating a copy to her non-profit partner SCORE (www.SCORE.org) to give their volunteers another tool to help them grow successful small businesses; and
3 – Help both Carol and myself to achieve our personal goals of spreading this important message and seeing this book succeed.
In addition, if you buy even just one book through the site, you will also receive a free 3-part audio series: Strategies for Getting Your Company, Your Product or Yourself on TV & Other Free Press with Emmy award winners, TV anchors and PR veterans, as well as Carol’s own insights on how she landed her tv pilot deal and other press.
Check out Carol’s other offers, which includes an amazing contest where other entrepreneurs have offered generous prizes, such as Michael Port (private mentoring session at his house worth $1999), Les McKeown (a seat in his Predictable Success workshop worth $3500), a strategy session with the amazing Liz Strauss, a mega-star membership to Online Videopolis (worth $2364), and many, many more. Visit http://theentrepreneurequation.com/special-offers/ for details and to purchase.
Want to know more? Here’s a few of the examples of those “right questions” in the book :
- Are you going to create a “salable” business, rather than a “jobbie” or a “Job-Business”
- There’s a great chart in the book that breaks this down.
- How are you with your personal finances?
- If you can’t manage your own finances, then “you shouldn’t be an entrepreneur trying to manage a business (and implicitly, the business’s finances)“.
- Are you willing to put in a LOT of hard work and practice?
- The “Secret” of success is not just a great idea, a positive attitude, and venture funding.
- Are you a “Santa or an Elf”?
- Are you better at giving direction, or taking direction? If you are the latter, it will be very, very hard to run a business on your own.
- Are you “too smart for your own good”?
- Do you have problems giving up control over anything because “nobody can do it better than you”? Carol has quite an interesting take on this one.
I highly recommend this book to anyone even remotely thinking about starting their own business – it’s a great reality check that covers all the bases. It’s caused me to stop and assess where my own business as well as what my personal goals and objectives really are.
Here’s to Doing Your Own Math (not someone elses) and finding your own answer to The Entrepreneur Equation. Whatever your answer is, it’s the right one for you, rather than for someone else.
Back to that unique Carol Roth style, here’s a link to a story about her Carol Roth doll. It’s fabulous. Here’s a link to win one of the Carol Roth dolls for those who are interested. And yes, I did enter the contest myself.
Almost everyone has friends of some sort or another. Just like people, friends come in all shapes and sizes. Some we may have had for years, some maybe just for a day. Not all of them necessarily close or good friends. In fact, most are likely to be surface or what I call social friendship. It’s not the length of the relationship that we should be measuring, but rather the quality of the relationship.
Social friends can be great for when you just want to get together to do something and don’t mind (or even necessarily want) a serious conversation. They can be great for lighthearted fun.
While I value all my friends, I value my true and authentic friends the most. In fact, I expect I could live fairly happily with only a handful of authentic friends and no others.
Why, because authentic friends are the people who accept you for who you are. My observation is that while social friends may listen, they aren’t really all that interested. Authentic friends listen and generally do not judge. They know all your idiosyncrasies and like you anyway. You must admit it, we all have idiosyncrasies. Some of which drive others around us crazy.
I think it is important to choose your friends wisely. To invest your time, attention, and emotional energy on those that are truly authentic already as well as those that could become authentic.
- Who would you miss if you could never talk to them again and what about them would you miss?
- Who would you not miss if you didn’t see them again?
- Do you have friends that you feel drained after interacting with them?
- Who do you spend your time with?
If it is predominately people in the second category I’d like to stop and very seriously think about why is that? What are you getting from those interactions? Is perhaps a spouse getting something from your friendships but you are not? If you answer not much (or something like that), I’d like you to very seriously ask yourself why do you hold on to those friendships, whether they are really important, and what would be the worst that would happen if you stopped spending time with them.
If you are spending much time with people in the third category, the one that leaves you drained. My strong advice is run for the hills if you can. Ok, well first you should do the same analysis for the second category. It may be that this person is just having a rough patch in life and leaning on you quite a bit. However if the person is chronically in a rough patch you need to ask yourself if they actually want to get out. Maybe they are gaining something (e.g., time, attention, financial support) from living in crisis mode.
Here’s the “Backstory” (and hopefully a laugh or two)
Earlier this week, Cranky and Depressed Faith showed up for a while. She was feeling tired, frustrated, and down about some things that had happened. I vented a bit via email to two of my friends, friends I put in the authentic category. It was nice to feel like I could talk with someone about how I was really feeling. The first, Gail, was great about helping to reframe some things and telling me to cut myself some slack. She was right. I had real reasons to be tired and feel overwhelmed. I was adding additional pressure to myself that I really didn’t need to. The second friend helped me through their honesty and through humor. Chris did not judge, he simply said I’m here, I’m your friend, and I’m available to talk. Chris’s email helped me to feel better all by itself. To simply know someone cared about my mental and emotional state. Chris went a bit further when he sent along a second email. One I’d like to share.
Faith
Ok – this is the best I can manage on the run! Will have to tide you over for a bit until I can manage a better response!
Chris
A paraprosdokian - A figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.
-
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
-
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
-
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
-
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
-
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
-
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
-
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
-
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
-
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
-
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
-
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
-
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
-
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
-
Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
-
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
-
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
-
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
-
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
-
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
-
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
-
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
-
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
-
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
-
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
-
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
-
I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
-
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
-
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
-
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
-
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
-
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
-
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
-
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
-
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
-
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
-
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
In Conclusion
I was in complete stitches when I got done reading the list. Getting this list was the final step in kicking out Cranky and Depressed Faith. I hope it too made you laugh. If not at all, at just a few.
Authentic friends. They are the one’s that can lift you up when you are down, “get you” but still like you, will go to bat for you, and are willing to share your life journey – if even for a day or two.
How do you get more authentic friends? By being more authentic yourself. It’s that simple. Like the old cereal commercial with Mikey. “Try it, you’ll like it.”
A Final Word of Thanks
Gail and Chris - Thanks for helping lift me up when I was down. Your work here is done.
Elaine - Thanks for working with me to take our friendship to the next level. To be authentic in all our interactions from this point forward. You just need to say what you are thinking and not make me work so hard to read between the lines! As I said before, you have my permission. Use it. No guilt required my friend. :-)
Does your lens distort what you see?
I’d like to begin by asking you to reflect on this famous quote by philosopher and mathematician René Descartes.
- “I think, therefore I am.”
I expect that most of you have heard this phrase before, but have you stopped to think about what it might mean? Both what Descartes intended as well as other ways it might be interpreted? What did this phrase bring to mind for you? If you would like to read more about René Descartes and the origins of this phrase, click here.
I’d like to now pose another question.
- What’s the value of self awareness?
For some of you, your first reaction might be “what is self awareness.” To me, self awareness is simply being aware of yourself – your thought patterns, your motivations, your typical as well as atypical behaviors. It’s about knowing who you are, what you believe, and how you operate.
We are always interpreting things. Always and forever, we cannot help it. What has come before, the past, influences how we presently see things. What we are currently thinking about, recent experiences, our current emotional states, as well as our intended outcomes affects how we perceive things in both small and large ways. Are you conscious or unconscious of this?
Another way you might think about self-awareness is as the ability to step outside of yourself to observe yourself. In this manner, you become both the actor and the observer. The more self-aware you are, the more innately you do this – both consciously and unconsciously.
Everything we do is viewed through our personal filters and lenses. I personally prefer to focus on lenses, as this implies that I can both recognize it and have the ability to remove it. Filters, while useful to notice, are more difficult to impact directly. As a side note regarding self awareness, my preference for lenses over filters could be considered a filter/lens itself…
When self awareness is very low, the outcome is frequently a distortion – of events, of emotions, and of statements made by others. As self awareness goes down, our bias and skewing of information, data, intentions, and people goes up. Conversely, the more self aware you are, the more you can reduce the filters and/or lenses that you apply and see with clarity.
As we become more conscious of ourselves and these elements, I believe that we are better able to “remove” what I refer to as the various “lenses that we place over our eyes.” We gain the ability to question your own thoughts and reactions. As a result, we are able to become more objective in our evaluations and interpretations.
The more self aware we are, the closer we automatically align our outward behaviors with our inner standards. We become better able to observe when they are not in sync.
With this new context, I’d like you to once again think about this question for just a moment.
- What’s the value of self awareness?
Now let me pose a series of questions to you:
- What’s the value of your own self awareness?
- What’s the value of interacting with another individual who is self aware?
- What would be the value of higher self awareness in general, in all people?
Now some more questions – none of them trick questions, just reflection questions, I promise.
- What frame of reference were you using for the initial question? Yourself, someone else, in general?
- How did thoughts/reactions to the first question compare to the next three?
- Did you have yet another viewpoint than the three I mentioned? If so, what triggered that viewpoint?
Let’s now take it a step further…
- What’s the value of a manager who is self-aware?
- What’s the value of a leader who is self-aware?
I don’t know about you, but those questions give me some serious food for thought. I can see real changes happening if the level of self awareness went up.
Wondering why I mentioned “Color” in the title? A “tip of the hat” to the old saying about “wearing rose colored glasses”. No, I don’t want, nor do I wear rose colored glasses. That being said, I do believe that a little pink hue is better than the dreary old grey I see too much of these days. My hope is that we can all find ways to make our lenses a bit more clear. To remove those various layers of color, one at a time. To see ourselves and others with better clarity.
If you haven’t already, I invite you to read two prior articles, Stop, Look, and Listen and A Matter of Perspective, Experience, and Imagination. Why you ask…because they might just help you with your own self-awareness and awareness of the world around you. And that my reader, is the entire point of this article. Cheers.
Where are you now? Where do you want to be?
My last post referred to Maslow’s Hierarchy. For those unfamiliar with it and/or interested in more details, Maslow’s basic needs are as follows:
Physiological Needs
These are biological needs. They consist of needs for oxygen, food, water, and a relatively constant body temperature. They are the strongest needs because if a person were deprived of all needs, the physiological ones would come first in the person’s search for satisfaction.
Safety Needs
When all physiological needs are satisfied and are no longer controlling thoughts and behaviors, the needs for security can become active. Adults have little awareness of their security needs except in times of emergency or periods of disorganization in the social structure (such as widespread rioting). Children often display the signs of insecurity and the need to be safe.
Needs of Love, Affection and Belongingness
When the needs for safety and for physiological well-being are satisfied, the next class of needs for love, affection and belongingness can emerge. Maslow states that people seek to overcome feelings of loneliness and alienation. This involves both giving and receiving love, affection and the sense of belonging.
Needs for Esteem
When the first three classes of needs are satisfied, the needs for esteem can become dominant. These involve needs for both self-esteem and for the esteem a person gets from others. Humans have a need for a stable, firmly based, high level of self-respect, and respect from others. When these needs are satisfied, the person feels self-confident and valuable as a person in the world. When these needs are frustrated, the person feels inferior, weak, helpless and worthless.
Needs for Self-Actualization
When all of the foregoing needs are satisfied, then and only then are the needs for self-actualization activated. Maslow describes self-actualization as a person’s need to be and do that which the person was “born to do.” “A musician must make music, an artist must paint, and a poet must write.” These needs make themselves felt in signs of restlessness. The person feels on edge, tense, lacking something, in short, restless. If a person is hungry, unsafe, not loved or accepted, or lacking self-esteem, it is very easy to know what the person is restless about. It is not always clear what a person wants when there is a need for self-actualization.
The hierarchic theory is often represented as a pyramid, with the larger, lower levels representing the lower needs, and the upper point representing the need for self-actualization. Maslow believes that the only reason that people would not move well in direction of self-actualization is because of hindrances placed in their way by society. He states that education is one of these hindrances. He recommends ways education can switch from its usual person-stunting tactics to person-growing approaches. Maslow states that educators should respond to the potential an individual has for growing into a self-actualizing person of his/her own kind. Ten points that educators should address are listed:
- We should teach people to be authentic, to be aware of their inner selves and to hear their inner-feeling voices.
- We should teach people to transcend their cultural conditioning and become world citizens.
- We should help people discover their vocation in life, their calling, fate or destiny. This is especially focused on finding the right career and the right mate.
- We should teach people that life is precious, that there is joy to be experienced in life, and if people are open to seeing the good and joyous in all kinds of situations, it makes life worth living.
- We must accept the person as he or she is and help the person learn their inner nature. From real knowledge of aptitudes and limitations we can know what to build upon, what potentials are really there.
- We must see that the person’s basic needs are satisfied. This includes safety, belongingness, and esteem needs.
- We should refreshen consciousness, teaching the person to appreciate beauty and the other good things in nature and in living.
- We should teach people that controls are good, and complete abandon is bad. It takes control to improve the quality of life in all areas.
- We should teach people to transcend the trifling problems and grapple with the serious problems in life. These include the problems of injustice, of pain, suffering, and death.
- We must teach people to be good choosers. They must be given practice in making good choices.
Reference: Psychology – The Search for Understanding by Janet A. Simons, Donald B. Irwin and Beverly A. Drinnien West Publishing Company, New York, 1987
The Backstory
I have been thinking a lot this past month about the fact that I am a bit out of whack as it relates to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Ok, so how many of you are thinking “what’s that?”
Maslow’s hierarchy is something I learned about back in college. Something that has stuck with me and has demonstrated the power of a good model and/or metaphor. For those unfamiliar with this model, Maslow’s hierarchy falls within the domain of psychology and was first proposed by Abraham Maslow in 1943. He explains this model in his 1954 book on Motivation and Personality.
Now you might be thinking “that’s a very old model – 60 years! - does it really apply today”. While there are those out there that argue with specifics – typically other psychology theoreticians – his model really is very solid overall. If you want to read details of the model and the criticisms, you can find them on wikipedia.
I have personally found Maslow’s hierarchy useful in:
- Understanding where I am
- Understanding where others are
- Understanding where I want to or should focus time and energy
- Identifying what is most needed and how to best help
- Answering the question “are you solving the right problem?”
I’ve observed that some business interventions (and social too) are geared towards higher levels when the people who are in the midst of the change really need help with feeling that the lower levels are stable. Something for you to think about during your next Change Program… How might this affect how you craft Communications?
Maslow’s hierarchy is often seen as a pyramid. The idea being that you are climbing to the top. At the top of the pyramid is this concept of self-actualization.
Self-actualization (in my terms, not necessarily Maslow’s) is when you reach that place of full potential. You are becoming the person you want to be, what you are capable of, and expressing yourself and your beliefs. You are truly living who you are. However, to reach this level, all the other levels must be in place and stable. In order to self-actualize, you must first master the four levels of needs found below: physiological, safety, love, and esteem.
Recently I’ve been feeling like I’m sliding backwards. I also know that I am not alone in that feeling these days. With all the chaos in the world these days - layoffs, business challenges, foreclosures – it can be hard to find time and/or energy to focus on yourself. Where you truly are and who you truly want to be.
I’ve been thinking about the fact that I want to be working on level 5, but that I seem to be living in the chaos of level 2, safety. Safety you say? Well in Maslow’s hierarchy, safety includes the roof over one’s head. I find it hard to write, share, and support others the way I truly want to when faced with the on-going stress of keeping the house over our family’s head. Sound like anyone you might know? Yourself maybe?
The Story
If you have been reading my recent posts you will know that I have been talking (and thinking alot) about Elephants. Today I realized that I have the big, hairy, ugly Elephant sitting on my shoulder with his trunk shoved into my ear repeating these phrases (or something similar):
- “you are not good enough”
- “you can’t keep up”
- “you are letting other people down”
- “who are you to think that you can write those books”
Mighty Mouse as envisioned by Sydney Purvis, age 8 upon hearing this story. ~~~@o:>
Guilt, guilt, guilt. I’m sure you’ve been there, felt that. Anyone saying “been there, done that”?
Ah ha, I went. There’s an Elephant. It’s hitting on my Maslow’s level 4. I can name it. It’s the Insecurity Elephant. I can own it. I can change it.
So I decided to take action. To get out my Mighty Mouse to fight that Elephant. I’m going to own that Elephant and then kick it off my shoulder – metaphorically that is.
So here’s my Mighty Mouse ~~~@:> (who I designed earlier today when emailing a friend). Mighty Mouse, go to work my friend. ~~~@:> SQUEEAAKEEEEE!!!
Whew.
In addition to helping myself mentally, when that metaphorical squeak resounded earlier today I thought hey, something to share. Something to send out to the readers with hope that it helps, even if just a bit. Bonanza, something that I can do related to Maslow’s level 5! So here I am tonight, writing.
Mighty Mouse might be small and often overlooked, but small things can have big impacts. (Just ask the lady who gets a small box with an engagement ring in it) Biggest isn’t always best. Our self-dialog isn’t always helpful. If nothing else I hope that my Mighty Mouse makes you laugh, even if only inside. Laughter truly is good for you…in more ways that we often realize.
I ask you to join me. Let’s take some control back. Maybe it will last for just a day, maybe for a week. But that’s better than before.
So I’m sending out my Mighty Mouse to visit you. When in need call to Mighty Mouse. Feel free to ask Mighty Mouse to help you with any of the Elephant(s) on your shoulder. Don’t be afraid to send them to visit a friend too, Mighty Mouse travels well over email after all.
Here’s a Mighty Mouse for you. ~~~@:> SQUEEAAKEEEEE!!!
The concept of courage has been front and center in my mind lately. For those of you reading for a while, you may have observed that I have been building up to this. There are connections, both directly and thematically in many of my blogs about driving change. Most specifically within The Revolution of One, Stop, Look and Listen, Anatomy of a Change Agent, Penguin Leadership, and Being Lionhearted©.
I believe that we are at multiple crossroads. I see the need for significant changes within businesses, within the political arena, and within social structures. All three of these are connected in multiple ways across multiple dimensions.
I’ve come to the conclusion that we don’t just need Change Agents, that we need Lionhearted Change Agents ©. That to truly drive the changes we need, more people will need to step out of their comfort zones. Many of us need to be more courageous more often. We must be aware of “social norming” and combat it at the source. Not just how we act, but also how we react.
After writing Being Lionhearted©, I posted the following question in Linked In.
What does courage cost? How is it rewarded or suppressed? It takes great courage to drive long term, sustainable change? What can be done to build courage in today’s environment?
I had several motivations for doing this. Not the least of which was to generate a dialog within a group of individuals who should already be Change Agents. To ask them to think further and deeper about courage. To encourage and challenge them to become more courageous themselves.
One of the participates in the on-line dialog is Bill Treasurer. Bill is founder and Chief Encouragement Officer at Giant Leap Consulting (GLC), a courage-building company. Bill established this company in 2002 to help people and organizations live more courageously. He is the author of Courage Goes to Work, a book about how to inspire more courageous behavior in workplace settings. His first book, Right Risk, is about how to take smart risks. It draws on Bill’s experiences as a daredevil athlete. Personally, I can’t imagine diving off of 100 foot platforms like he did! Yikes. Talk about Courage.
I had a chance to speak voice-to-voice with Bill regarding his background and experiences. Bill believes “…that with less fear and more courage, workers take on harder projects, deal better with change, and speak up more willingly about important issues.” I agree wholeheartedly with him.
Bill’s view is “…that individually and organizationally, people can generally be divided into two camps: safety-seekers and opportunity-seekers. During times of heightened anxiety or uncertainty, such as NOW, the Camp Safety swells with refugees. There is a danger in this flight to safety. Just when our organizations need us to provide ground-breaking (and tradition-defying) ideas, we are, instead, hunkering down underneath our desks.”
Below are some of Bill’s tips for helping you be more courageous at work. This list was extracted from his latest article, The First Virtue.
- “Be Mindful of the Risks of Not Risking. The risk of inaction is usually more perilous than the risk of action. As you consider a risk, be clear about the dangers of not taking the risk, too.
- Ask the Holy Question. Here are the four most important words you’ll ever learn in the English language: What do you want? Most people don’t take the time to answer that question with specificity. Those who do, however, are in a much better position to figure out the actions they need to take in order to get what they want.
- Have Something to Prove. Take on challenges that cause you to have to prove yourself to yourself. When the going gets rough, having something to prove can be a source of energy and motivation.
- Make Forward-Falling Mistakes. Making no mistakes is just as dangerous as making too many. Have a “mistake ratio,” a good balance between not making enough mistakes and making too many. As long as the mistakes you make are forward-falling, you’re making progress.
- Harness Fear. Fear is a normal, natural and necessary part of the work experience. While uncomfortable, fear has energy, and that energy can be useful when facing tough challenges. Harness your fear by spending time with it. The more you experience the thing that you’re afraid of, the more desensitized you become to it.
- Jump First. The best way to encourage those around you to be more courageous is to be more courageous yourself … first! Ask yourself, “When was the last time you did something courageous that probably left a favorable impression on the people you work with?” In other words, when did you last jump first?”
You can learn more about Courage Goes to Work, Bill’s international bestseller, at www.couragegoestowork.com. Bill’s newest courage material, Courageous Leadership: Using Courage to Transform the Workplace, comes out in early 2011. It’s an off-the-shelf courage-building training program being published by Pfeiffer. Personally, I can’t wait to see it.
My hope is that you can find a bit more courage within yourself. That you not just Own Your Elephant , but that you Find Your Lion Inside. That you take positive action rather than just observing or standing aside. It takes time, courage, and energy. I’m hoping that you can find a bit more inside yourself and join my Change Revolution. Cheers.
After the World Business Forum 2010 I took advantage of being in New York City and went to see Wicked on Broadway. All I can say is that the current cast is Amazing! While I am enjoying the CD from the original cast, the voices of the current leads are even better. My metaphorical hat and standing ovation to Mandy Gonzalez (Elphaba) and Katie Rose Clarke (Glinda). Both their individual voices as well as the blend was superb. Andy Karl’s (Fiyero) dancing and singing brought a smile to my face.
As I watched the story unfold I was amazed at the number of important messages embedded within the story itself. It almost felt like a life lesson while watching the wonderful cast dance, sing, and entertain. I’ve commited to my children to take them to see it soon. I feel that not only would they enjoy the story but that there are life lessons they can observe. It also gives us a platform for discussing situations and behaviors.
A few of the elements of the story include:
- Being true to yourself and your beliefs
- How people are measured and valued
- Caring for, helping, and supporting others in need
- Social pressures
- Giving everyone a chance – recognizing them for who they are inside and not just outside
- How the labels given to history and the “spin” change how we view things
- The “spin” the Press does and the true power of that spin - to completely mislead and misrepresent
- The value of working together - In one song Glinda and Elphaba sing about “…together we are unlimited…”
During the show I kept thinking over and over about the importance of understanding the “backstory.” The true history of a situation. Not what was fabricated by the press and those in power.
If you’ve seen The Wizard of Oz, you know that the Wicked Witch of the West is the “bad guy.” You know this, absolutely know this for sure.
However, once you understand the backstory, the true history, you learn:
- Elphaba, The Wicked, had a truly generous heart. She was extremely loving and kind.
- The Wizard isn’t actually kind and helpful. He is actually a “bad guy” in many ways, working the system and manipulating others.
- Glinda (formerly known as Galinda) begins the story as very egotistical and grows through her relationship with Elphaba.
- Glinda faces the choices she has made and accepts responsibility for them – changing herself in the process.
- Glinda and Elphaba initally loath each other.
- They evolve into best friends by looking inside, understanding, and valuing each other as individuals.
- Elphaba was painted as Wicked by the Wizard and the Press Secretary for trying to help others and standing up to injustice.
- While Elphaba was persecued for being Being Lionhearted © she never gave up on doing the right thing, no matter the cost. She accepts the “label” of The Wicked in the name of doing good.
So what does this tell us?
- You need to look at the history, the drivers and motivations, not just the current situation.
- You should challenge “labels” given to people and seek to truly understand, not just accept them at face value.
- Look for the person inside, not just the outside they show the world. They might be quite different.
- Understanding the backstory is critical for understanding the truth of any current situation.
The truth is out there. May you Stop, Look, and Listen to find it. For those interested in knowing more about Wicked the Musical, here’s the description from USA Today.
“So much happened before Dorothy dropped in. Long before that girl from Kansas arrives in Munchkinland, two girls meet in the Land of Oz. One – born with emerald green skin – is smart, fiery and misunderstood. The other is beautiful, ambitious and very popular.
How these two grow to become the Wicked Witch of the West and Glinda the Good makes for “the most complete, and completely satisfying, new musical in a long time.”
Pictures from www.gershwintheatre.com
I see myself, do you? I'm looking at you. Are you looking back?
During Day 1 of the World Business Forum 2010, I had the opportunity to talk with a group of fellow bloggers over lunch. While describing what it is that I do, Carol Roth, said “you’re the Elephant Whisperer.” Wow, I thought. That’s dead on.
While I’m not sure I could have labled myself The Elephant Whisperer ©, Carol nailed what I was all about. I feel that I can and now actively ”own” this label. Here’s a portion a recent article by Carol about our lunch and the power of calling out an issue.
“There are so many times when we have a personal or professional issue and are afraid to address it. But how can you expect to solve a problem if you don’t identify that it exists in the first place?
Putting a name on the monster that is causing small or big issues immediately lessens its impact. Once you name it, the willingness to address the issue allows you to move on, instead of staying stuck in limbo forever.”
Carol is a deal maker, author, business strategist and advisor to corporations, small businesses & aspiring entrepreneurs. She is frank, straightforward and insightful. You have spinach in your teeth? She’ll let you know. She can also make you laugh which is much needed in business these days – at least I think so. Go here to read Carol’s full article.
In my area of practice, Strategic Change, Organizational Change, and Cultural Change, the biggest barrier, I’ve found are the elephants. The cultural norming. The reactions as much if not more so than the actions. All those things that are going on that no one wants to talk about. Just because they aren’t talked about doesn’t mean they aren’t there and are not affecting your business.
Our country (Carol and I live in the US) is at a crossroads. Actually several. If we are to address the changes that are needed – in both business and social arenas we must talk, really talk about the issues. Not just the symptoms, but the underlying issues and root causes. Therein lies the elephant. We don’t want to talk about root causes. Doing so would force us to look to closely at ourselves.
You might consider calling myself The Elephant Whisperer © involves a bit of an elephant itself. If we don’t want to talk about elephants, why would I even want this moniker? Why have I taken this term and owned it mentally and emotionally, going so far as to rename my book? Because I see the elephants and I talk about them. I want to inspire and provoke others to do so too.
I’ve taken the mirror to myself. Studied who and what I am. It’s scary at times, but well worth the end result. My elephant? It’s my directness and candor. It can (and has) made people uncomfortable at times.
I challenge you to face your personal elephant. The one in the mirror. Understand who you are, what you are about, and own it. I believe doing so is a key step to being able to talk about other elephants. Know yourself. Your true motivations and your own elephants.
I applaud Carol and her directness. I could immediately tell that she knew who she was and what she wanted. She has an abundance mentality not a scarcity mentality. She balances sharing openly and honestly with having a solid business background and well defined goals. This girl rocks! I can’t wait till her book comes out next year.
Wondering if I should coin her as the Spinach Talker? Food for thought? (yes, pun intended). The Red Shoe Writer? You’ll understand that one better when you see her book cover (book is due out Q1 2011). Think I should ponder that a bit more, though I must confess The Red Shoe Writer is growing on me…
In the mean time, get the mirror out. Find your own elephants and face them down.
Cheers and good luck both facing and owning your elephants.
Are you putting all the pieces of what you learned together? Will you talk about what you see and the Elephants in the room?
The first day of the World Business Forum 2010 is complete. The speakers entertaining and educating.
The questions for me are:
- Was the audience really enlightened?
- Did they truly listen to the messages, not just the words?
- Will they truly take the core messages back to their businesses? To think about what it means to truly lead, not command and control?
While World Business Forum 2010 Day 1 is gone, the content it not? When you do as Collins suggests, stopping one day for every two weeks of booked time (come on, try it), I encourage you to ponder, think, reflect, and visit or revisit the Bloggers Hub. You’ll learn something new, provoke your thinking, and challenge yourself. I promise! I do every time I go back.
Articles related to what was learned, shared, discussed, and reflected on during the World Business Forum are forthcoming over the next weeks and months. My thanks to all the great bloggers, guests, and speakers who challenged my thinking and helped me to continue to drive myself and my thinking forward. Cheers all.
Elephant #1: We don’t truly value stopping to think, to reflect, to ponder.
We tend to value action much more than reflection. Doing over creating. I’d like you to stop and think about that. I’ll talk more about the motivation, drivers, and factors that drive this in a future blog.
I’m willing to talk about the Elephants in the room. The truth of what it takes to change a company, to change a culture, to change yourself. To be the Elephant Whisper. Are you willing to talk with me?
Elephant Whisperer: Strait talk about the Elephants in the Room ©
Book - ebook or hard copy tbd. Look for a series of blogs/articles on this topic in the interim.
Would love to hear back from you about the elephants that you see, how people deal with them (or not), and your personal stories.
Does the business, like the water, flow the same direction?
A recent Linked In group discussion revolved around how coaching does/does not fit in the Enterprise Architecture (EA) world. Hum? What do you think?
I found it an interesting idea to ponder. For this article, I’ve extracted the question and a portion of the responses.
Defining Enterprise Architecture
At this point I would typically point you to Wikipedia for a good definition to provide some framing. However, I found the Wikipedia content both lacking and under revision. When I stepped back, I realized this shouldn’t be so surprising given the somewhat diverse views of EA. To me, EA breaks down into two camps.
- IT-centric Enterprise Architecture. I personally view this as Tech Arch, though there are many who will argue about this.
- Business focused Enterprise Architecture. This broader, more holistic viewpoint is more in alignment with my personal view.
The Initial Question, Thoughts & Ideas
James Lapalme •Should coaching being an element of enterprise architecture? I completed a 1 week intensive life/professional coaching course last week. The final course assignment was to coach a total stranger. It was an amazing feeling to help a person with a topic which was dear to them. The person I coached truly appreciated the experience. People seem to really appreciate having someone to listen to them, and to help them sort out their thoughts.
Corporations would probably benefit from having coaching as an organizational component of their hierarchical structure. They spend a lot of time on action, and put almost no emphasis on reflection. Should this type of reflection be part of the enterprise architecture?
Faith Fuqua-Purvis • I cannot speak to whether it should be part of enterprise architecture, only to the value of coaching as well as some organizational observations and challenges. My sense is that it would be difficult to gain acceptance of Coaching as a formal part of enterprise architecture across the board but that it might be accepted at some organizations.
- It is often difficult to individuals to fully grasp the value of coaching until they experience it directly.
- This can be through a formal program such as you attended, a 1:1 coach, or through indirect coaching.
- I’ve observed that coaching is often associated with Mentoring. While they are similar, I do believe that they are often executed in different manners with different motivators and drivers.
- There has been a subtle perception/belief that Mentoring is to help move someone up the ladder to be more successful, while Coaching is more about “fixing” an issue or “bad behavior.”
- The skill set required to be a good coach is undervalued.
- Just like with consultants, there are good, very good, and “less good” coaches.
- I hesitate to say “bad coaches” as I don’t believe that anyone would label themselves as a coach without a minimum level of true coaching skills.
A good coach would listen in an authentic manner and seek ways to guide self revelations and self awareness. There is a great difference in acceptance rates between telling someone something and allowing them to discover it for themselves.
To be a good coach you have to make a calculated choice as to when and how often to deliver a difficult message. You need to weigh the balance of the objectives and desired outcomes of the interactions with the risks and potential land minds when talking about the metaphorical elephant in the room, overtly identifying and discussing the underlying motivations and drivers. We all are challenged to really look in the mirror some days and truly see ourselves. The image shown changes over time and should be revisited periodically.
Coaches can be hired or they can simply be people you work with or know, that help you gain a better understanding of yourself, how you operate, and how you interact with others. The desired outcome being an improvement in how you are feeling about what you are doing and the ability to operate more effectively.
Ron Thiessen • I think that one of the most intriguing dynamics I have observed over the last 10 years or so is that we have invented numerous “time-saving” gadgets that have succeeded in monopolizing our time beyond all sane measure. What this seems to have created is a rush toward initiation, progression, and completion of projects to the exclusion of thought-provoking analysis of pros and cons. In the drive to the bottom line, most corporations do not have TIME to designate to the think tank. And the type of reflection you refer to (I think) could become pretty scary because an individual might have to justify in his/her own mind why they are attempting to move at such a frenetic pace to reach…….what?
The number of clients I see who are “burned out” as a result of work stress is mounting almost daily. Invariably, one of the secrets of moving from stress to sanity is intensive self-reflection, bringing the sufferer back to the basics of existence and their Life Purpose. If corporations understood the power of key employees who are at peace with their world, they would run, not walk, their employees to the nearest conference, seminar, life coach, or psychologist.
Ari Tikka • I second Ron. Run you fools… :) I aim at making my every client a peer coach. Think of a team with every member taking responsibility of leadership and peer coaching. Sadly, the current disempowering management norm is weeding this kind of development away. Short term wins.
Doug McDavid • This brings the human element into a topic (EA) that too often focuses on the technology, or, when human social systems are considered, they are in such abstract form that the person is lost. Here’s the kind of problem that could be addressed by the right kind of coaching.
Systems developers are motivated by the desire to do something helpful for the part of the business they are closely associated with. After hundreds or thousands of well-intentioned efforts have proceeded, the bigger, enterprise-wide system of systems can be a big mess. Enterprise architecture, with its attendant governance, tries to bring coherence to this mess, but apparently with a loss of autonomy of individual development efforts. Coaching can help all parties to see other points of view, and achieve a balance of big picture and immediate practicalities.
James Lapalme • For me EA is about helping the organization to align all its dimensions (people, process and technology) in order to meet organizational visions and objectives. These dimensions encompass elements such as organizational structure, capital expense models, IT, performance management, knowledge management, process design, etc.”
If you agree with my definition then you would probably agree that EA is basically strategic business planning. In this context, my question becomes “Does coaching have a role in strategic business planning (especially when working with CxOs and senior executives)?
And the discussion went on….
Defining Enterprise Architecture – Take Two
Let’s just say that I like James’s definition and leave it at that.
Some Closing Thoughts
So what are the takeaways? What do I hope you will stop and ponder for a moment?
- What does the term Enterprise Architecture mean to you?
- Do you think at the Enterprise Architecture level?
- Is there a group focused on Enterprise Architecture at your organization? If not, why not?
- What is your personal view of the role of a Coach?
- How might you personally or someone you know benefit from a Coach
- Have you observed resistence to the concept of Coaching in your organization? If so, what and why?
- If you think coaching is valuable, how might you help your organization understand the value?
- Do you feel that you could ask for a Coach?
- Is there someone you could swap Coaching with? You Coach them and they Coach you?
- What are the challenges with this?
- What might be the unique benefits?
- What might be contributing to your own personal burnout?
- If you aren’t feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or a little crispy – Congratulations and share the secret!
- Are you using Social Networking tools to engage in thought provoking dialogs?
- If not, why not?
- Might this relate to part of what Ron touches upon?
The Challenge
Get yourself a Coach! If you can’t afford to hire a professional Coach, I encourage you to actively seek out a friend or colleague who can act as a personal Coach. It’s important to remember that this is not the same role as a mentor. The person you ask needs to have a good level of empathy, interpersonal skills, understand psychological issues, and be willing to make the time investment to help you.
The web is full of tools (some free, some not) that can help you conduct your own personality and behavioral analysis. Its important to agree about what you want as an outcome and that both parties be committed to the process. Good luck to both you and your Coach, should you decide to take on this Coaching Challenge!
Note: These are only extracts 5 of the 16 posts in this discussion. Discussions like this are a good way to challenge your and other’s thinking on a topic. Edits did not include wordsmithing, rather deletion of content not relevant to this article.
Do You Hear What I Hear?
At this point you might be thinking authentic listening, what’s that? No, your brain hasn’t failed you. Nor is it something you are likely to find in a Dictionary or on Wikipedia. It’s a term I use. Authentic listening is not the same as “active” listening but does incorporate active listening. According to Wikipedia,
“Active listening is a communication technique. Active listening requires the listener to understand, interpret, and evaluate what they hear. The ability to listen actively can improve personal relationships through reducing conflicts, strengthening cooperation, and fostering understanding.
When interacting, people often are not listening attentively. They may be distracted, thinking about other things, or thinking about what they are going to say next (the latter case is particularly true in conflict situations or disagreements). Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding to others, focusing attention on the speaker. Suspending one’s own frame of reference and suspending judgment are important to fully attend to the speaker.”
To me, to truly, genuinely, and authentically listen, you need to not only listen, but “hear” and process on multiple levels. You need to look at the words used, the intent, the context, the emotional state of the speaker, the past history between individuals, etc. You need to recognize, think through, and act upon (if appropriate) the underlying motivations, drivers, and expectations.
Hidden desires and motivations often play a big part of what is said and how it is stated. Do you really want to “hear” what someone else is saying – understand where the other person is coming from and why – or do you just want to make your point.
In addition to listening actively, being authentic in how you listen includes elements of reflective listening. Again, from Wikipedia, reflective listening attempts to “…reconstruct what the client is thinking and feeling and to relay this understanding back…”
Authentic listening includes listening actively, using reflection techniques, listening with an intent to “hear” the underlying messages, seeking to understand where another individual is coming from, processing across multiple dimensions, and being conscious of the underlying filters and motivations that you personally bring with you during a conversation.
I believe true, authentic listening is a lost art. It comes from a place of true caring – having an interest in others, their experiences, and their personal goals.
- How well do you really listen?
- Do you use active listening?
- Do you use reflective listening techniques?
- Do you really listen and “hear” what is said or are you often working to prepare your response prior to the other person finishing?
- What actions can you take to help ensure you listen more authentically?
- How would you feel if someone was really authentic when they listened to you?
- Do you hear what I hear when we talk?
May your conversations not only be active and reflective but authentic too. I hope you think that mine are. I’m not perfect (no one is) but I do always seek to be authentic. To me, life’s too short and complex enough already to be anything else. Cheers.
How can you Fire up your Heart to help drive positive change?
I find it interesting to observe how “Change Agents” interact with each other. How they listen (or not), whether they speak respectfully (or not), as well as their willingness to change themselves (or not). One of the first steps we can take to help manage change is to manage ourselves and how we interact with others.
A colleague of mine, Ron Leeman, posted the following description during on online discussion.
- A clear mind that is not cluttered with unresolved issues, unexamined motives or pre-conceived ideas.
- Eyes that can see beyond today.
- Ears that can listen to other points of view.
- A nose that can sense opportunities and timing.
- A mouth that can speak out with honesty and respect.
- A heart that can feel others’ pain and respond to it.
- A fire in the belly that provides passion and responsibility and makes you want to get up in the morning.
- Skillful hands that can do work as well as strategy.
- Light feet that can move swiftly when the timing is right.
- The soul of a warrior with a deep sense of honor, perseverance and along with a willingness to act decisively.
I found it a useful metaphor to reflect upon - to ponder how these traits can help me be a better Change Agent and a better person overall. I would add to the above list:
- That the mind be active and continually seek to fill itself with knowledge and information. That it focuses on the ability to synthesize and apply that knowledge.
- That the heart is open and honest, genuine and true both to itself and to others. That it seeks to understand and is kind to others. We all make mistakes and have “bad” days.
- That the soul feels like an ”old soul,” with the ability to reflect on the past. To appreciate where it currently is as well as where it is going.
As I continue on my personal and professional journey, I challenge you to join me. To find ways to make improvements to all parts of yourself: mental, physical, emotional, and psychological. I ask you to join me in my on-going quest to drive a change revolution. To help create an environment (both in and outside of the workplace) that brings engagement and involvement rather than frustration and discontent. To foster a revolution of change 1+1+1 ad infinitum.
One person at a time can truly make a difference. I’m hoping that today that person can be you.
Thanks Ron, for seeking to make a difference as well as always sharing in a respectful and open manner. Cheers. May we have a chance to lift a physical toast not just a metaphorical one someday.
This topic has been on my mind for a while. I’d been planning on writing an article titled “Please, Thank-you, and a Smile” next month where I focused on their value. One might say that the stars have aligned today – or in this case the behaviors have been out of line – and this one emerged instead.
I’ll apologize in advance if this sounds like a bit of a rant and lengthier than usual. I’ll ask you to be gracious enough to bear with me. I won’t be offended if you skip through The Rant to look at the Tipping Point, Thoughts to Ponder, Bottom line, and Background. Each section could probably have been it’s own article. My objective is to leave you with things to ponder. My hope that you find things of value to think about and to help you along life’s journey.
I’d also like to thank you in advance for listening. Really, Thank You! I do mean that. Sometimes the value we provide to others is simply just listening to them as they express their feelings, emotions, and opinions.
The rant…
Has anyone else out there noticed that social skills, politeness, and basic good manners seem to be slipping? I really don’t think it’s just my perception being skewed. I’ve been observing this both in-person and on-line for quite a while. If customer interactions are so important to a business, why do they often seem unimportant to the “front line” of individuals who interact with the customers? I’ve been pondering what drives individuals’ behaviors for a while?
- How do incentive and reward systems, feedback, cultural norming affect behavior?
- Why don’t people say Please, Thank You, or I appreciate your help more often?
- Are we really ”too busy” to be polite or is that really just an excuse, a cop-out?
- If we are “too busy”, what can we do to become less busy and more polite?
- When people do say Please and Thank You, do we take them with sincerity or suspect them? If we suspect them, why do we?
Have you stopped lately to check your own behavior? Have you observed that many arguments continue way beyond any useful point because the parties want to “win.” Or, in some cases so that one or more of the parties don’t feel that they would be perceived as “weak” or “giving in”. Do you ever give yourself a “time out”? I do. Really, I do sometimes. When I recognize I’m getting too frustrated and aggravated, I’ll go in another room for a few minutes so that I can calm down. It’s about gathering myself together so that I can interact in a productive manner rather than a destructive one.
Have you ever agreed to simply disagree? I’ve learned to do this. Did I always, no. I have learned that there are times that this is simply the very best answer. You might say that I’ve grown up – well, at least a bit.
So that’s my rant and what’s on my mind. Thanks for listening. May you Smile more, say Thank You more often, and help us make things just a little more positive around us.
The root cause, motivation, and tipping point…
In case you were wondering what was the “tipping point” today? Have you noticed how many of my links are to Wikipedia? Today I was thinking about this and why I like Wikipedia. I got on-line to try to find a way to say Thank You to Wikipedia’s contributors. I wondered if anyone said Thank You to them and how to go about it. It’s seemed to be so integrated into society in many ways that I wondered if we think about how much work it actually takes to create and maintain it. In researching, I found the underpinnings of Wikipedia. The more I read and thought about their guidelines, pillars, and netiquette, the more I thought about what I had been observing off-line and what the connections might be.
I’d like to share one of Wikipedia’s five pillars. I think that this one really applies to everything. Not just on-line interactions.
- Wikipedians should interact in a respectful and civil manner. Respect and be polite to your fellow Wikipedians, even when you disagree. Apply Wikipedia etiquette, and avoid personal attacks. Find consensus, avoid edit wars, and remember that there are 3,256,368 articles on the English Wikipedia to work on and discuss. Act in good faith, never disrupt Wikipedia to illustrate a point, and assume good faith on the part of others. Be open and welcoming.
Some closing thoughts and questions to ponder…
I’ve been thinking about the underlying drivers’ of etiquette, netiquette, and social behaviors for quite a while. I’d like to ask you to ponder a few things with me:
- Are really people ruder?
- Is this a perception or a reality?
- Is perception really the reality?
- How do you perceive it?
- What dimensions do you see it through? It’s more than words.
- I believe it shows up in body language, expression, actions et al.
- I’ve observed all the “right words” being used where I can completely read the body language and the underlying motivation differently.
- Have people lost a level of genuineness? If so, why might this be happening?
- How do you think email, texting, twitter, and other on-line social media might have contributed to changes in behaviors?
- As you project into the future 5, 10, 15, or 20 years, how might changes in children’s behaviors and actions affect business and society in general?
Bottom Line…
I don’t have any answers, only observations, experiences, thoughts, and beliefs. While I can’t change others (each person has to change for themselves), I can work to be polite, kind, and considerate in my own little part of the world and in my on-line actions. To smile at those around me. Do I always do it right? Absolutely not. If I’m wrong or behaved poorly I’ll seek to apologize. I’ll work to improve. Nice does not have to mean “fake.”
No, life’s not all hearts and butterflies as the cynical saying goes, but a smile or two would be most welcome. A wave, a please, a thank you, and some honest to goodness sincerity too. I value those individuals I see it in and hope they value it in me too. As the old saying goes, it takes less muscles to smile than to frown.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about a Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana song goes like this… ”life’s what you make it, so let’s make it right.”
Some Background…
The following provoked my thinking and lead to this writing this article today:
- Wikipedia’s five pillars.
- Wikipedia’s guidelines.
- Article by Jimmy Wales, the founder of Wikipedia regarding Keeping a Civil Cybertounge.
- Background on Jimmy Wales.
- Theory on how facial movement can influence emotions.
Click here for more information regarding how to make a donation to continue building Wikipedia.
