Archive for Coaching
Have you stopped today to enjoy the sights and sounds of nature around you?
Many times we think we are living, but we are really just existing. We deal with the day to day and it feels like a grind.
We trudge through our day, doing our work, working on our to-do list (or lists), answering the phone and email, and trying to make “progress”. But we feel stifled, tired, worn out, stressed. We’re trying to figure out how to change things but everything we think of feels like too much extra work.
We often look for the big solutions and big changes when the little ones can have the most impact. A few weeks ago I wrote about the Value of Nature. How taking a few minutes to enjoy Nature around you can go a long way. Since that time I’ve made an effort to enjoy my back deck and the woods behind me as many days as possible. I’ve also made an effort to visit with some neighbors on their back patio.
Although my life is pretty chaotic at the moment (many major life events going on) my inner peace has been increasing on days that I’ve stopped to check out of work and the digital world and connect with Nature and neighbors. On the days I haven’t, where I keep my head down focusing on the list, telling myself I don’t have time to go outside, I find my stress continues to increase.
Life’s not perfect, it’s a rare moment that it is. It is, however for living, not existing. Instead of a “to-do list” why don’t you write a “do not do list” this week. Cut yourself some slack. Get real with yourself and those around you. Too often I observe individuals living in the in the “digital world” but missing out on the “real world” … and by that I don’t mean the contrived one on TV which isn’t all that real.
Put down the pen, leave the desk, turn off the TV. Ignore your iPhone, iPad, Blackberry, Kindle, and Nook. Connect not only with others but with yourself as well. The world will not stop if you ignore the phone, email, twitter, text or chats. If fact, I believe it would be a better place with a little less of all of that.
Be present with yourself and those around you. Be real not digital. Look at your life one day, one experience, one encounter at a time. You’ll likely be much happier. I know I am.
Live your life rather than simply existing. Peace everyone.
Yesterday I was interviewed for a BlogTalk Radio Show by Heather Stagl of Enclaria. During the interview we discuss my own personal Change Revolution, how to start a revolution, courage, fear, and other related topics.
- Do I really care?
- Why do I care?
- How can I have an influence on this?
- What action can I take?
- What outcome am I looking for?
Each day you get a fresh start to decide how you want to approach life and your interactions with those around you. How do you want to behave today?
Is this a failure or a success?
First a shout out of Thanks to Jim Estill and John Wolforth for taking the time to hit the Comment button and share their thoughts on What Might Happen? I Wonder… last month. This pondering continues on with ideas shared in that last post. You can either blame it on John or thank him if you choose – this pondering a result of responding to his comment. It got me thinking about what success looks like.
I believe that success can be a tricky thing. It’s a moving target and always subject to interpretation. I’ve also observed that some of the individuals who I think are wildly successful don’t always feel so successful themselves.
I wonder how often we find ourselves measuring up short - but that is truly only in our own minds. That we focus on the missteps and the could haves, rather than the did haves and wasn’t that great!
Let’s go to my favorite source, yes Wikipedia, for a definition. “Success might mean, but is not limited to:
- a level of social status
- achievement of an objective/goal
- the opposite of failure“
Now let’s look at their definition of failure. “Failure refers to the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, and may be viewed as the opposite of success.”
Hum, if we really think about it, we are in control here. We define the level of social status, the objective/goal, as well as what failure looks like. Pretty powerful.
It’s also important to remember that we all define success differently. What does matters isn’t my defintion, but how you personally define success.
Sometimes I think we fall in the trap of focusing on the big SUCCESS and we need to focus more on the little successes that we have all the time. Or that we get ourselves hung up on how others define success and trying to meet their measure of success rather than our own.
I bet if we thought about it hard enough we could find a small success each and every day. I know that this is something that I personally need to do more of – looking for those small, daily successes. We often look at our daily failures, why not look at our daily successes?
For today’s pondering I’d like to ask that you stop and ask yourself the following questions:
- Did I think about a failure today?
- Did I think about a success today?
- What did I think about this last week?
- How do I define success?
- Am I focusing on big SUCCESS?
- What success(es) did I have today?
- What success(es) did I have this last week?
- How might I feel differently if every time I thought of a failure, I stop to also think of a success?
You are the only one that can define success for yourself. You are in the driver’s seat. Sometimes success might be about walking away from an opportunity. Jonathan Field’s recent article Kill It to Build It reminded me of this earlier today. Jonathan had a business idea but decided to “kill it” as it took him off what he viewed as his longer term path.
The comments on his post and reactions were quite interesting. While most were supportive, it was interesting to note the mix of judgmental and non-judgmental. It made me stop to ponder how he felt after reading all the comments. If it made him question himself? I wondered how often we do this to others?
I think of life a both a juggling act and a tightrope walk. We are trying to find that balance between short-term and long-term personal, professional, and family goals. Often at the same time. Additionally we move from one rope to another so maybe we should add in that areal act where we have to also have faith to let go of one bar and trust the other will be there to grab onto. No wonder it’s often hard to feel a sense of achievement!
I think that maybe we need to adjust that success measure and realize that it’s not whether you dropped a ball or two, but rather you kept the other three, five, or seven in the air. Not that you fell off the rope, but rather you climbed back up and got moving again. It’s not that you missed catching the other bar, but rather you had the courage to let go of the first one. Each and every one of these is a success.
Remember, you define both success and failure for yourself. It’s something that I too need to remind myself on a regular basis. I’ve found that there is no tougher judge of what I have done than myself. Maybe it’s time to cut myself some slack or better yet, reframe how I measure success. Will you join me?
May you all be happy, healthy, and find success on whatever path you choose to take in life. Remember, the power is yours.
What Might You Find if You Stopped to Look? I see a squirrel in the clouds. Did you even notice their shape or did you focus on the path of the dock?
Do you ever stop and think about what you wrote, what you read, how you acted? If so, do you do so for more than a moment or two?
No, I’m not talking about that self-critiquing that we can get into - the “what if’s”, “if only’s”, “if I hadn’t” analysis where we might beat ourselves up. Many of us (myself included) need to do less of that. Rather, that moment of stepping back from ourselves to look at ourselves and situations from a different viewpoint.
To think about what we want, how we feel, what alternatives are out there? That point where we pause, consider, ponder. That place where we go to say ”I wonder” or “hum, what if” or we play with ideas?
- 7 insights for marketing success
- advice for the needy
- 12 steps to getting attention
- how I succeeded and you can too
- What is on your mind?
- Have you stopped to think and reflect lately?
- Have you stopped to think about what you want in Life?
- What do you really want from your Whole Life, not just your Work Life?
I wonder what you might find out if you did.
I’d like to ask you to stop with me today. To look at yourself from a different viewpoint. To think about what you want and how you feel? To pause, consider, ponder. To ask yourself ”I wonder” or “hum, what if” and played with ideas instead of just taking action.
In closing, I wanted to share something I saved from my friend Jim Estill’s blog. I think he got it from a book on Reflection, but don’t quote me on that…
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“It was said that Thomas Edison would often take his fishing rod, sit at the end of the pier, cast away, and then just sit there for hours. However, he would never put any bait on his hook. He didn’t really want to catch any fish. What he wanted to do was to sit there uninterrupted, just reflecting on the issues of the day, on his work, or on whatever else came into his mind. He knew that if he looked as if he were fishing, no one would bother him, so he could reflect uninterrupted. All he really wanted to do was catch ideas.”
So now I’m wondering…
- How do you define success?
- What do want to do or accomplish in Life?
- What do you get from these ponderings of mine? Do they actual provoke your thinking?
Will you share your thoughts? It doesn’t take much, simply click on the word Comments – down there on the right. Type in that text box and hit that Submit button. I’d love to hear from you.
What's going on in your mind?
I had a very interesting experience with resistance this morning. It reminded me that we should value resistance. Yes, value it.
Within the world of change management, organizational change, organizational development, (the list goes on), resistance is often seen as something negative. Something that you need to manage or overcome.
However, if you step back from the existence of resistance and seek to discover the root cause, you might uncover some very interesting things. I did.
Resistance can be expressed across multiple dimensions. It is something that you might experience on a mental level – through self-discussions. It might be something that you feel emotionally – possibly raising your anxiety level. It might be something expressed at a physical or gut level – perhaps you felt your muscles contract. Your conscious mind is only a minor fraction of the processing that is going on within our bodies. The reactions you feel or sense are typically based on much more than what you are consciously aware of.
The Backstory
If you’ve been reading my writing for a while you may remember me talking about a great group of people that I met through Linked In. People who I met on-line that I feel have moved from the peer/colleague category to the friend category. I wrote about them in my article, Penguin Leadership: Alone in a Crowd.
The group grew organically, without any intention for it to become what it has: a sounding board, a shoulder to lean on, a group of friends to vent with, and a group to push boundaries of thinking with. We’ve never met in person – our locations range from California to Canada to Belgium. Side Note: at this point, there are six of us in the group (Bill Braun has joined us since the article was written).
The Event
This morning a request came to add another person to our group (one might say clique but that can sound negative). I had a very visceral reaction that said “I’m not sure I like that idea.” I stepped back from my computer for a bit but the feeling still hung on. So I shared my reaction – that I wasn’t sure and needed to think about this.
Given that I’m a fairly open and friendly person, my gut reaction startled me. In part, because it was so strong. I even made a joke to the group about whether I was experiencing “change resistance.”
I forced myself to step back and analyze why I was feeling the way I was. What I discovered was that my strong reaction came from the value I placed on my interactions with this group. My fear was that adding a new individual would trigger changes in the style of interactions. Hum, time for me to dig a bit deeper.
Digging Down to the Roots
I realized that in many ways, this group has evolved from a peer group to a support + peer group. Many days this past month I would put that support has been predominant.
I believe that our Penguin Club members “get me”. They get my thinking process. They value my opinions. They seek to not just listen but to hear what I am trying to say. I can be candid, open, honest, direct, and fraught with human frailties in a safe and supportive place. How often can you say that? It’s something not to be undervalued.
I have a high level of trust from the group members. Unfortunately today, trust is a fairly rare commodity. But that’s a story for another day.
In the insanity of life that we live in these days, the value of these types of relationships should not be underestimated. They should be treasured. How many friends and colleagues out there can you say this about?
As this group grew organically, we had no defined objectives or governance structures. We simply threw out questions to the group, sought second opinions, and discussed concepts that interested us. This morning’s experience was a fascinating study (at least to me) in group dynamics. How different the informal evolution can be from the formal structures we often engage in.
During our flurry of emails this morning we are starting to unpack what it is we want and value from this group. It’s not always the same.
Have we made a decision about adding to our Penguin Club, no. Have the emails been flying fast and furious, yes. I actually glad that we are not making the decision lightly.
The Potential Impacts
I do believe that if there was a brand new group member, the nature of what we were shared this morning would be different. I don’t think we would have been as open and honest about thoughts and gut reactions.
Do I think we should avoid adding someone new to keep the status quo? Not necessarily. What I do want to ensure is that we as a group are aware of the potential cost and make an effort to move through the transition in a way that is comfortable for everyone.
I can say that this experience has been an interesting study in Group Dynamics, Social Networking, and Trust. It’s a microcosm of events that happen at work and in social settings each and every day.
The lessons for me today are twofold: TRUST yourself and HONOR your feelings of resistance. You are feeling them for some reason. Stop and ask yourself about the root causes. You might just discover something interesting. I did.
I gained insight into myself, my wants and desires of the group, and the level of trust I was feeling for the individuals in the group. I also learned how very important this group of people was to me. Our interactions and discussion are precious and should be treated as such.
That was the root of my resistance. It had absolutely nothing to do about the potential new person and everything to do with my connection to the existing. It was less about resistance and more about personal value.
In Conclusion…
How might this experience translate into your personal life, your work, your social interactions, or the business environment?
Do you stop and think “why” when you have a negative reaction? Do you explore the roots of your feelings and feelings of resistance? Do you trust your feelings, impressions, and instincts? How do you honor them?
Rather than just believing that resistance is something to be overcome, make the effort to understand its root cause(s). Both within yourself and within others. Honor it; don’t just focus on overcoming it. Value other individual’s emotional and physical reactions as well as your own. They are just as big a part of who the person is as the intellectual ones.
My perception is that we often forget this; that we do not value enough the underlying subconscious processing that our minds and bodies are doing. We need to remember the whole of ourselves, not just the individual parts.
Each part of yourself should be valued; your thoughts, your emotions, your physical reactions, as well as your spiritual needs. When you feel resistance, unpack it a bit. Explore its roots. You just might find out something about yourself you didn’t expect.
In the end, you might also find you make a different choice.
Today is a Snow Day.
One of those days you loved as a kid but tend to dread as an adult. With our increasingly busy days it can be just one more unexpected complication. One that can frustrate us quite a bit.
In the midst of rescheduling phone calls, juggling work schedules, and rearranging my day, it crossed my mind that maybe this is one of those Life Lessons that I should be paying attention to.
I could view today with a Half Full (or Quarter Full) view, focusing on the challenges and frustrations it brings. Or, I could look at as an unexpected opportunity.
We get so busy that it often seems like there isn’t enough time in the week to spend good, quality time my kids. Couldn’t I think about this as an expected opportunity to spend time with them?
So I decided to view today’s Snow Day as a Speed Bump on the Road of Life. Speed bumps are reminders not to go to fast, to slow down. I decided that I could change the way I viewed today and think of Snow Days as Play Days with the kids instead. I might not be able to play all day (darn it), but I can engage with them for at least part of the day.
My mental metaphor of a speed bump was going along pretty well and then I got an unexpected second dose of life’s imperfections.
It appears that for the past two weeks, any voice message left on my work phone went into “limbo land.” This is not the only technical glitch I’ve seen this month. I know that emails I been sending to at least one individual had not arrived. Whether they were lost in the outbound stream from me or lost in his inbound stream we don’t know. I only know that I’m glad I chose to follow up a third time just to be sure we had closed the loop.
I could have gotten angry about the missed VM, but really, what’s the point. It won’t change history. It’s an uncontrollable situation like the Snow Day. What I can (and did) do is follow up where necessary and explain. No, it’s not the same as the “my dog ate my homework,” excuse. It’s simply a fact of our technology dependent communications. Technology breaks down. It doesn’t always work.
This was a good reminder for me that just because I hit send or left a message that does not mean it was received. Too often of late, I’ve observed individuals getting frustrated with one another when there is incomplete knowledge of a situation. It’s all back to expectations. Are we expecting perfection and perfect knowledge or do we recognize and adjust to life’s challenges and the speed bumps along the way?
When things go wrong with technology, I find myself using the metaphor of Gremlins visiting. I don’t know what happened, it simply is. It was outside of my control.
What I can control is my response. Am I going to let those speed bumps annoy and frustrate me? Or might I ask myself to consider whether those speed bumps might serve some greater purpose?
My epiphany for today was that Life is not about Perfection, it’s about Imperfection.
We talk about taking the time to dance, finding the joy in the moment, the beauty in a sunrise. We often tell, share, or repeat a myriad of these little life lessons. But do we value and live by these lessons all the time or only when we have time for them? Might that be why life sends us speed bumps? A reminders to “stop and smell the roses”?
A piece of humor a friend sent yesterday ended with “Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.”
While I “received” the message yesterday and did enjoy, I think that today I truly “got it.” I need to do these activities even more than I already do. More importantly, I need to do them when presented with days full of speed bumps, not just on days with smooth sailing.
Life is about Imperfection not Perfection.
I need to share the joy of imperfections, laughing along the road of life. Living in the moment, as best as I can. After all, no one is perfect. Every minute I spend in anger is a minute I did not spend in joy.
Here’s to the imperfection in all of us. To finding ways to enjoy them, rather than being frustrated by them. May you live, love, and laugh often. Preferably all the time, rather than just when it’s convenient.
Oh, by the way, the dog has actually eaten the homework in our house. Along with toys, glasses, a wallet etc. As I sit here and type, I am reminded that I am looking through dog scratches on my lenses. I can either choose to focus on them, which is quite distracting, or I can choose to try and ignore them. I’ve found that if ignore them for a few minutes, I can typically read “past” them. The eyes and brain make adjustments. The glasses aren’t perfect, but they are good enough. That, I decided was another of life’s lessons.
You can choose to look past the imperfections and still see with clarity.
- Nigel Marsh at TEDxSydney
Work/life balance is a topic that has gotten a fair amount of press in the last decade or so. My observation is that it has been an increasingly difficult thing to achieve with the advent of “social media” and the ease of communication via email. There are so many channels and ways to connect…but are we making the right connections, the important ones?
I found a wonderful 10 minute video by on this topic from TEDxSydney. You can pack a lot in 10 minutes, let me tell you. Nigel Marsh is the author of “Fat, Forty and Fired” and “Overworked and Underlaid.”
As this is a Ponderings & Insights article, I’ve got some questions for you to ponder:
- Do you find it difficult to balance work and life?
- How do you define the balance?
- What do you do to set boundaries?
- What timeframe are you measuring with? A single day, a week, a month or something else?
- Do you have a clear idea of where life ends and work starts?
- How do you define work?
- How do you define life, what do you include? (e.g. is working out really “life”, for me it isn’t)
- What would your ideal day look like?
Here’s an interesting quote from Nigel’s video (click here to see the video):
“There are thousands and thousands of people out there living lives of quiet, screaming desperation who work long, hard hours, at jobs they hate, to enable them to buy things they don’t need to impress people they don’t like.”
So here are some of the thoughts and insights I took away:
- Some jobs choices and careers are fundamentally in opposition to balance.
- Many of mine have been.
- Time to do a bit of reassessment…at a deeper level that I already had been.
- There are multiple dimensions that need to be cared for – the intellectual, emotional, and spiritual aspects of each of us.
- While I do know this, I’m asking myself if I am focusing enough on balancing all of them.
- Should I “schedule in” meditation time or is perhaps even needing to schedule it in a sign of a potential issue?
- Small things matter. That there is great value with focused time. Especially with your kids.
I know I’ve reached a critical point with the last one. One of my daughters has twice said this week that I am on the computer too much and has directly asked me to get off. She went on to talk with Dad about computers - that she thinks people use them too much. Not just our family, but everywhere. This wisdom…from a 9 year old.
We tell our children that winning isn’t everything but are we demonstrating that. I wonder? How often are we letting our Ego drive decision making and run the show? It needs to be heads and hearts together – feeding the mind, emotions, and soul in equal proportion.
It’s time for us to have a family meeting and talk about balance. How we want to interact. How we as a family want to define balance. Our definition of success, not the Ego’s definition. It’s time to really ”put the money where the mouth is” as the saying goes. Or perhaps, better stated as choose the option with less money, but more family time.
I don’t know what you thought, but for myself, Nigel’s ideal day doesn’t sound so bad to me. I wonder how many of us wish we had days like that? How life might truly be different if we did? Could we do this? Something to ponder. That, and how am I really going to spend my day today. What boundaries will I set? What activities will I participate in?
Here’s hoping that you find ways to have more special moments, more connected time, and more…
The Energy Elephant. Do You Bring Positive or Negative Energy?
This morning one of my favorite bloggers, Jonathan Fields, had an interesting story about a creative marking approach. Jonathan’s article made me smile (as it often does) but at the same time left me feeling a bit hollow. The marketing example he shared was funny and seriously creative.
The pitch was to shop while you are bored at work. It even included a “Boss Button”. You press the button if your boss walks buy when you are shopping. Your shopping screen is covered with a page showing ”corporate jargon” and a fake pie-chart. I agree, it was funny. I applaud the creativity.
What bothered me was the root of the humor. The humor wouldn’t have held true if it wasn’t directed at a fundamental underlying problem or experience.
- How people feel at work, their emotional state.
- What they bring to work (i.e. attitude)
- How they are using their time, or rather not using their time (i.e. manifestations of boredom/procrastination).
Here’s a link to Jonathan’s article if you are interested.
Here’s the comment (ok, rant) I left on his site.
At the same time I was laughing, I was also quite sad and feeling a bit depressed. Why, at what the “work world” seems to have come to. The attitude people tend to bring with them to work, and how many spend their day…not working.
Often times it’s not just “the company” at fault when the environment is poor. It’s also what the employees bring or don’t bring to the metaphorical table. Positive energy breeds positive energy, negative breeds negative.
There is a great difference between procrastination and boredom. Much of what appears to be boredom is actually procrastination. It’s not that they don’t have things to do, they don’t want to do them.
Just imagine if everyone kicked in gear, left the attitude at home and wanted to make a difference not matter where they were or what they were doing. That they recognized that they may not be at their optimal job doing what they love best but that a) they were employed, b) were lucky to be employed, and c) could have a positive impact wherever they are.
What they are doing doesn’t have to be forever, but rather than making the worst of it couldn’t they make the most of it for both themselves and their employer. After all, they took part of creating the situation. They accepted the job offer…otherwise they wouldn’t even be there.
Own up and own your experience. Ok, rant over.
My questions for you to ponder today are:
- What attitude do you bring with you to work?
- Are you bringing your A game?
- Do you look for ways to make positive changes or do you wait for others to “fix” problems for you?
- Do you ever reflect on the fact that you are privileged to be employed, yes privileged?
- If you don’t feel priviledged, go read about the state of the world. Don’t just rely on what you see around you.
- If you are employed, you likely have a roof over your head and food on the table. Many people do not.
- What might you accomplish today if you “turned off” the unnecessary social media? I hear complaints (and complain sometimes myself) about the overload of information.
- How much of that is within your control?
- What are you doing to yourself?
If you are unhappy with where you are, I encourage you to remind yourself that it doesn’t need to be forever. Things rarely are, even when we want them to be. In the interim, bring your A game. Make a difference where you are at this moment in time. Just think about how things around you could change if you did. As I said in my rant above, positivity breeds positivity and negativity breeds negativity.
Are you adding positive or negative energy when you are on the job? What can you do to change things for the better? Bring the Attitude of Gratitude on-line and into your life. It makes a difference. Really, it does.
Hum, time to take my own advice and buck up little doggie. I’m thankful for:
- The roof over my head – even if I dislike my too large mortgage that comes with it.
- My mostly healthy family – which is better than seriously unhealthy or passed on.
- The ability to read and to write – many cannot – and I couldn’t write this article without those basic skills. (ok, who snickered out there…thinking maybe it would be better if I didn’t have them)
- The fact that I have those extra lbs. on the hips. After all, they indicate that I have food available to me, unlike many in the world.
I’m also thankful that you found it in your heart to read this entire article. Really, thank you. May we all find ways to move ourselves and others from the negative to the positive side of the equation.
P.S. Tomorrow I’ll work on writing my list without the qualifiers attached. One step at a time, one day at a time. All forward progress, not matter how small, is good.
Almost everyone has friends of some sort or another. Just like people, friends come in all shapes and sizes. Some we may have had for years, some maybe just for a day. Not all of them necessarily close or good friends. In fact, most are likely to be surface or what I call social friendship. It’s not the length of the relationship that we should be measuring, but rather the quality of the relationship.
Social friends can be great for when you just want to get together to do something and don’t mind (or even necessarily want) a serious conversation. They can be great for lighthearted fun.
While I value all my friends, I value my true and authentic friends the most. In fact, I expect I could live fairly happily with only a handful of authentic friends and no others.
Why, because authentic friends are the people who accept you for who you are. My observation is that while social friends may listen, they aren’t really all that interested. Authentic friends listen and generally do not judge. They know all your idiosyncrasies and like you anyway. You must admit it, we all have idiosyncrasies. Some of which drive others around us crazy.
I think it is important to choose your friends wisely. To invest your time, attention, and emotional energy on those that are truly authentic already as well as those that could become authentic.
- Who would you miss if you could never talk to them again and what about them would you miss?
- Who would you not miss if you didn’t see them again?
- Do you have friends that you feel drained after interacting with them?
- Who do you spend your time with?
If it is predominately people in the second category I’d like to stop and very seriously think about why is that? What are you getting from those interactions? Is perhaps a spouse getting something from your friendships but you are not? If you answer not much (or something like that), I’d like you to very seriously ask yourself why do you hold on to those friendships, whether they are really important, and what would be the worst that would happen if you stopped spending time with them.
If you are spending much time with people in the third category, the one that leaves you drained. My strong advice is run for the hills if you can. Ok, well first you should do the same analysis for the second category. It may be that this person is just having a rough patch in life and leaning on you quite a bit. However if the person is chronically in a rough patch you need to ask yourself if they actually want to get out. Maybe they are gaining something (e.g., time, attention, financial support) from living in crisis mode.
Here’s the “Backstory” (and hopefully a laugh or two)
Earlier this week, Cranky and Depressed Faith showed up for a while. She was feeling tired, frustrated, and down about some things that had happened. I vented a bit via email to two of my friends, friends I put in the authentic category. It was nice to feel like I could talk with someone about how I was really feeling. The first, Gail, was great about helping to reframe some things and telling me to cut myself some slack. She was right. I had real reasons to be tired and feel overwhelmed. I was adding additional pressure to myself that I really didn’t need to. The second friend helped me through their honesty and through humor. Chris did not judge, he simply said I’m here, I’m your friend, and I’m available to talk. Chris’s email helped me to feel better all by itself. To simply know someone cared about my mental and emotional state. Chris went a bit further when he sent along a second email. One I’d like to share.
Faith
Ok – this is the best I can manage on the run! Will have to tide you over for a bit until I can manage a better response!
Chris
A paraprosdokian - A figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
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Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
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Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
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Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
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The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
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A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
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Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
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I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
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I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
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You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
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To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
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Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
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Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
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If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
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Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
In Conclusion
I was in complete stitches when I got done reading the list. Getting this list was the final step in kicking out Cranky and Depressed Faith. I hope it too made you laugh. If not at all, at just a few.
Authentic friends. They are the one’s that can lift you up when you are down, “get you” but still like you, will go to bat for you, and are willing to share your life journey – if even for a day or two.
How do you get more authentic friends? By being more authentic yourself. It’s that simple. Like the old cereal commercial with Mikey. “Try it, you’ll like it.”
A Final Word of Thanks
Gail and Chris - Thanks for helping lift me up when I was down. Your work here is done.
Elaine - Thanks for working with me to take our friendship to the next level. To be authentic in all our interactions from this point forward. You just need to say what you are thinking and not make me work so hard to read between the lines! As I said before, you have my permission. Use it. No guilt required my friend. :-)
I recently read an extract of a book called Never Get a Real Job written by Scott Gerber. If you would like to see the extract, click here. While I appreciate the fact that Scott is direct and honest about the challenges of entrepreneurship, I do not care for his tone or the way he “devalues” what he refers to as a “real” job.
Scott believes that for Gen Y, working for someone else is a fool’s game. Not only do I disagree, I feel it is extremely short sighted. He paints both Gen Y and entrepreneurship with too broad a brush.
I’ve personally seen both sides of this equation, working for a company and working for myself. Both have a myriad of pluses and the minuses. There absolutely is something great to be said about regular hours and a regular paycheck. There absolutely are jobs, roles, projects that people enjoy where they aren’t working for themselves. Scott doesn’t seem to think so.
Entrepreneurship is a 24×7 role, particularly at the start. Did you know that up to 90 percent of businesses fail within the first five years? It’s important that you think long and hard before you invest your precious time, money and energy. You must be committed mentally, emotionally, and financially.
There are times in your life where it’s likely a better ”fit” to be an entrepreneur than others. If you care about individuals outside of yourself – say a spouse or children – the impact to their lives also must be factored in. That “real” job that Scott dishes so badly can provide lots of time for your family that you won’t have when you are trying to start your own business.
To me, the decision to start a business should be based on desire, personality, drive, and interests, not your generational group. Being an entrepreneur is not always better than working at a company. It’s simply different. It’s a different choice that either does or does not make sense to the individual, and only at that point in time. You might reach a different decision at a different point in time.
I worked in the corporate world first, for nearly 20 years. Now I work for myself. As the owner of a small consulting firm, my business builds on everything that I learned over the last 20 years. I cannot see doing the type of consulting that I do now as a recent college graduate, MBA or not. It would not have made sense. The experiences that I gained working for Accenture and Deloitte are priceless in reaching the point that I am today and doing the kind of work I truly love, high impact Strategic Change and Lionhearted Coaching.
There can be great value and great reward in “real” jobs. In fact, there are many individuals for which entrepreneurship is simply not a good fit.
Something I particularly disliked is Scott’s reference to the cliché that “whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.” I have many more years, challenges, and experiences that tell me this is not always true. Real life lessons, from the trenches, both in the corporate world and as an entrepreneur. To me, sometimes the greatest strength comes from saying No, this did Not make me stronger…but that’s OK and I’ll move on. It’s the moving on that is critical.
In my experience (both personal and observed), this cliché can add to individual’s feelings of failure when they don’t feel, believe, or have the ability to come out stronger. It can, in the end, make a situation worse rather than help the person if you hold to tightly to that belief.
Part of my root concern regarding his books is that that there may be social pressures for Gen Ys. That they may feel they “ought to” be an entrepreneur. You should be an entrepreneur if there is something that are passionate about. If you have the internal drive and motivation to do so, not because it’s what your generation does. Isn’t that really the same as Boomers working in traditional structures because that is what their generation does?
It’s about who you are, what you are passionate about, where you feel you can make an impact, and yes, balancing all the dimensions of your life. Priorities change over time. Make sure you are doing the right thing for you at the right time, not just doing what you feel you “ought” to.
For my money, I’d wait for Carol Roth’s book, The Entrepreneur Equation to come out. It’s due out March 8, 2011, but you can pre-order it now on Amazon. Carol is a straight shooter and will help you do the math to find out if entrepreneurship is right for you. Here’s a link to Carol’s web-site if you want to find out more about who she is, her advice, and her new book.
Carol’s book can help you answer more than just “Could I be an entrepreneur?” but rather “Should I be an entrepreneur?” We all probably can be if we wanted it bad enough. If we threw enough time, energy, and money at it. However, just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. You can jump off the roof of a house, but should you. It’s your choice.
Where are you now? Where do you want to be?
My last post referred to Maslow’s Hierarchy. For those unfamiliar with it and/or interested in more details, Maslow’s basic needs are as follows:
Physiological Needs
These are biological needs. They consist of needs for oxygen, food, water, and a relatively constant body temperature. They are the strongest needs because if a person were deprived of all needs, the physiological ones would come first in the person’s search for satisfaction.
Safety Needs
When all physiological needs are satisfied and are no longer controlling thoughts and behaviors, the needs for security can become active. Adults have little awareness of their security needs except in times of emergency or periods of disorganization in the social structure (such as widespread rioting). Children often display the signs of insecurity and the need to be safe.
Needs of Love, Affection and Belongingness
When the needs for safety and for physiological well-being are satisfied, the next class of needs for love, affection and belongingness can emerge. Maslow states that people seek to overcome feelings of loneliness and alienation. This involves both giving and receiving love, affection and the sense of belonging.
Needs for Esteem
When the first three classes of needs are satisfied, the needs for esteem can become dominant. These involve needs for both self-esteem and for the esteem a person gets from others. Humans have a need for a stable, firmly based, high level of self-respect, and respect from others. When these needs are satisfied, the person feels self-confident and valuable as a person in the world. When these needs are frustrated, the person feels inferior, weak, helpless and worthless.
Needs for Self-Actualization
When all of the foregoing needs are satisfied, then and only then are the needs for self-actualization activated. Maslow describes self-actualization as a person’s need to be and do that which the person was “born to do.” “A musician must make music, an artist must paint, and a poet must write.” These needs make themselves felt in signs of restlessness. The person feels on edge, tense, lacking something, in short, restless. If a person is hungry, unsafe, not loved or accepted, or lacking self-esteem, it is very easy to know what the person is restless about. It is not always clear what a person wants when there is a need for self-actualization.
The hierarchic theory is often represented as a pyramid, with the larger, lower levels representing the lower needs, and the upper point representing the need for self-actualization. Maslow believes that the only reason that people would not move well in direction of self-actualization is because of hindrances placed in their way by society. He states that education is one of these hindrances. He recommends ways education can switch from its usual person-stunting tactics to person-growing approaches. Maslow states that educators should respond to the potential an individual has for growing into a self-actualizing person of his/her own kind. Ten points that educators should address are listed:
- We should teach people to be authentic, to be aware of their inner selves and to hear their inner-feeling voices.
- We should teach people to transcend their cultural conditioning and become world citizens.
- We should help people discover their vocation in life, their calling, fate or destiny. This is especially focused on finding the right career and the right mate.
- We should teach people that life is precious, that there is joy to be experienced in life, and if people are open to seeing the good and joyous in all kinds of situations, it makes life worth living.
- We must accept the person as he or she is and help the person learn their inner nature. From real knowledge of aptitudes and limitations we can know what to build upon, what potentials are really there.
- We must see that the person’s basic needs are satisfied. This includes safety, belongingness, and esteem needs.
- We should refreshen consciousness, teaching the person to appreciate beauty and the other good things in nature and in living.
- We should teach people that controls are good, and complete abandon is bad. It takes control to improve the quality of life in all areas.
- We should teach people to transcend the trifling problems and grapple with the serious problems in life. These include the problems of injustice, of pain, suffering, and death.
- We must teach people to be good choosers. They must be given practice in making good choices.
Reference: Psychology – The Search for Understanding by Janet A. Simons, Donald B. Irwin and Beverly A. Drinnien West Publishing Company, New York, 1987
The concept of courage has been front and center in my mind lately. For those of you reading for a while, you may have observed that I have been building up to this. There are connections, both directly and thematically in many of my blogs about driving change. Most specifically within The Revolution of One, Stop, Look and Listen, Anatomy of a Change Agent, Penguin Leadership, and Being Lionhearted©.
I believe that we are at multiple crossroads. I see the need for significant changes within businesses, within the political arena, and within social structures. All three of these are connected in multiple ways across multiple dimensions.
I’ve come to the conclusion that we don’t just need Change Agents, that we need Lionhearted Change Agents ©. That to truly drive the changes we need, more people will need to step out of their comfort zones. Many of us need to be more courageous more often. We must be aware of “social norming” and combat it at the source. Not just how we act, but also how we react.
After writing Being Lionhearted©, I posted the following question in Linked In.
What does courage cost? How is it rewarded or suppressed? It takes great courage to drive long term, sustainable change? What can be done to build courage in today’s environment?
I had several motivations for doing this. Not the least of which was to generate a dialog within a group of individuals who should already be Change Agents. To ask them to think further and deeper about courage. To encourage and challenge them to become more courageous themselves.
One of the participates in the on-line dialog is Bill Treasurer. Bill is founder and Chief Encouragement Officer at Giant Leap Consulting (GLC), a courage-building company. Bill established this company in 2002 to help people and organizations live more courageously. He is the author of Courage Goes to Work, a book about how to inspire more courageous behavior in workplace settings. His first book, Right Risk, is about how to take smart risks. It draws on Bill’s experiences as a daredevil athlete. Personally, I can’t imagine diving off of 100 foot platforms like he did! Yikes. Talk about Courage.
I had a chance to speak voice-to-voice with Bill regarding his background and experiences. Bill believes “…that with less fear and more courage, workers take on harder projects, deal better with change, and speak up more willingly about important issues.” I agree wholeheartedly with him.
Bill’s view is “…that individually and organizationally, people can generally be divided into two camps: safety-seekers and opportunity-seekers. During times of heightened anxiety or uncertainty, such as NOW, the Camp Safety swells with refugees. There is a danger in this flight to safety. Just when our organizations need us to provide ground-breaking (and tradition-defying) ideas, we are, instead, hunkering down underneath our desks.”
Below are some of Bill’s tips for helping you be more courageous at work. This list was extracted from his latest article, The First Virtue.
- “Be Mindful of the Risks of Not Risking. The risk of inaction is usually more perilous than the risk of action. As you consider a risk, be clear about the dangers of not taking the risk, too.
- Ask the Holy Question. Here are the four most important words you’ll ever learn in the English language: What do you want? Most people don’t take the time to answer that question with specificity. Those who do, however, are in a much better position to figure out the actions they need to take in order to get what they want.
- Have Something to Prove. Take on challenges that cause you to have to prove yourself to yourself. When the going gets rough, having something to prove can be a source of energy and motivation.
- Make Forward-Falling Mistakes. Making no mistakes is just as dangerous as making too many. Have a “mistake ratio,” a good balance between not making enough mistakes and making too many. As long as the mistakes you make are forward-falling, you’re making progress.
- Harness Fear. Fear is a normal, natural and necessary part of the work experience. While uncomfortable, fear has energy, and that energy can be useful when facing tough challenges. Harness your fear by spending time with it. The more you experience the thing that you’re afraid of, the more desensitized you become to it.
- Jump First. The best way to encourage those around you to be more courageous is to be more courageous yourself … first! Ask yourself, “When was the last time you did something courageous that probably left a favorable impression on the people you work with?” In other words, when did you last jump first?”
You can learn more about Courage Goes to Work, Bill’s international bestseller, at www.couragegoestowork.com. Bill’s newest courage material, Courageous Leadership: Using Courage to Transform the Workplace, comes out in early 2011. It’s an off-the-shelf courage-building training program being published by Pfeiffer. Personally, I can’t wait to see it.
My hope is that you can find a bit more courage within yourself. That you not just Own Your Elephant , but that you Find Your Lion Inside. That you take positive action rather than just observing or standing aside. It takes time, courage, and energy. I’m hoping that you can find a bit more inside yourself and join my Change Revolution. Cheers.
After the World Business Forum 2010 I took advantage of being in New York City and went to see Wicked on Broadway. All I can say is that the current cast is Amazing! While I am enjoying the CD from the original cast, the voices of the current leads are even better. My metaphorical hat and standing ovation to Mandy Gonzalez (Elphaba) and Katie Rose Clarke (Glinda). Both their individual voices as well as the blend was superb. Andy Karl’s (Fiyero) dancing and singing brought a smile to my face.
As I watched the story unfold I was amazed at the number of important messages embedded within the story itself. It almost felt like a life lesson while watching the wonderful cast dance, sing, and entertain. I’ve commited to my children to take them to see it soon. I feel that not only would they enjoy the story but that there are life lessons they can observe. It also gives us a platform for discussing situations and behaviors.
A few of the elements of the story include:
- Being true to yourself and your beliefs
- How people are measured and valued
- Caring for, helping, and supporting others in need
- Social pressures
- Giving everyone a chance – recognizing them for who they are inside and not just outside
- How the labels given to history and the “spin” change how we view things
- The “spin” the Press does and the true power of that spin - to completely mislead and misrepresent
- The value of working together - In one song Glinda and Elphaba sing about “…together we are unlimited…”
During the show I kept thinking over and over about the importance of understanding the “backstory.” The true history of a situation. Not what was fabricated by the press and those in power.
If you’ve seen The Wizard of Oz, you know that the Wicked Witch of the West is the “bad guy.” You know this, absolutely know this for sure.
However, once you understand the backstory, the true history, you learn:
- Elphaba, The Wicked, had a truly generous heart. She was extremely loving and kind.
- The Wizard isn’t actually kind and helpful. He is actually a “bad guy” in many ways, working the system and manipulating others.
- Glinda (formerly known as Galinda) begins the story as very egotistical and grows through her relationship with Elphaba.
- Glinda faces the choices she has made and accepts responsibility for them – changing herself in the process.
- Glinda and Elphaba initally loath each other.
- They evolve into best friends by looking inside, understanding, and valuing each other as individuals.
- Elphaba was painted as Wicked by the Wizard and the Press Secretary for trying to help others and standing up to injustice.
- While Elphaba was persecued for being Being Lionhearted © she never gave up on doing the right thing, no matter the cost. She accepts the “label” of The Wicked in the name of doing good.
So what does this tell us?
- You need to look at the history, the drivers and motivations, not just the current situation.
- You should challenge “labels” given to people and seek to truly understand, not just accept them at face value.
- Look for the person inside, not just the outside they show the world. They might be quite different.
- Understanding the backstory is critical for understanding the truth of any current situation.
The truth is out there. May you Stop, Look, and Listen to find it. For those interested in knowing more about Wicked the Musical, here’s the description from USA Today.
“So much happened before Dorothy dropped in. Long before that girl from Kansas arrives in Munchkinland, two girls meet in the Land of Oz. One – born with emerald green skin – is smart, fiery and misunderstood. The other is beautiful, ambitious and very popular.
How these two grow to become the Wicked Witch of the West and Glinda the Good makes for “the most complete, and completely satisfying, new musical in a long time.”
Pictures from www.gershwintheatre.com
I see myself, do you? I'm looking at you. Are you looking back?
During Day 1 of the World Business Forum 2010, I had the opportunity to talk with a group of fellow bloggers over lunch. While describing what it is that I do, Carol Roth, said “you’re the Elephant Whisperer.” Wow, I thought. That’s dead on.
While I’m not sure I could have labled myself The Elephant Whisperer ©, Carol nailed what I was all about. I feel that I can and now actively ”own” this label. Here’s a portion a recent article by Carol about our lunch and the power of calling out an issue.
“There are so many times when we have a personal or professional issue and are afraid to address it. But how can you expect to solve a problem if you don’t identify that it exists in the first place?
Putting a name on the monster that is causing small or big issues immediately lessens its impact. Once you name it, the willingness to address the issue allows you to move on, instead of staying stuck in limbo forever.”
Carol is a deal maker, author, business strategist and advisor to corporations, small businesses & aspiring entrepreneurs. She is frank, straightforward and insightful. You have spinach in your teeth? She’ll let you know. She can also make you laugh which is much needed in business these days – at least I think so. Go here to read Carol’s full article.
In my area of practice, Strategic Change, Organizational Change, and Cultural Change, the biggest barrier, I’ve found are the elephants. The cultural norming. The reactions as much if not more so than the actions. All those things that are going on that no one wants to talk about. Just because they aren’t talked about doesn’t mean they aren’t there and are not affecting your business.
Our country (Carol and I live in the US) is at a crossroads. Actually several. If we are to address the changes that are needed – in both business and social arenas we must talk, really talk about the issues. Not just the symptoms, but the underlying issues and root causes. Therein lies the elephant. We don’t want to talk about root causes. Doing so would force us to look to closely at ourselves.
You might consider calling myself The Elephant Whisperer © involves a bit of an elephant itself. If we don’t want to talk about elephants, why would I even want this moniker? Why have I taken this term and owned it mentally and emotionally, going so far as to rename my book? Because I see the elephants and I talk about them. I want to inspire and provoke others to do so too.
I’ve taken the mirror to myself. Studied who and what I am. It’s scary at times, but well worth the end result. My elephant? It’s my directness and candor. It can (and has) made people uncomfortable at times.
I challenge you to face your personal elephant. The one in the mirror. Understand who you are, what you are about, and own it. I believe doing so is a key step to being able to talk about other elephants. Know yourself. Your true motivations and your own elephants.
I applaud Carol and her directness. I could immediately tell that she knew who she was and what she wanted. She has an abundance mentality not a scarcity mentality. She balances sharing openly and honestly with having a solid business background and well defined goals. This girl rocks! I can’t wait till her book comes out next year.
Wondering if I should coin her as the Spinach Talker? Food for thought? (yes, pun intended). The Red Shoe Writer? You’ll understand that one better when you see her book cover (book is due out Q1 2011). Think I should ponder that a bit more, though I must confess The Red Shoe Writer is growing on me…
In the mean time, get the mirror out. Find your own elephants and face them down.
Cheers and good luck both facing and owning your elephants.
Does the business, like the water, flow the same direction?
A recent Linked In group discussion revolved around how coaching does/does not fit in the Enterprise Architecture (EA) world. Hum? What do you think?
I found it an interesting idea to ponder. For this article, I’ve extracted the question and a portion of the responses.
Defining Enterprise Architecture
At this point I would typically point you to Wikipedia for a good definition to provide some framing. However, I found the Wikipedia content both lacking and under revision. When I stepped back, I realized this shouldn’t be so surprising given the somewhat diverse views of EA. To me, EA breaks down into two camps.
- IT-centric Enterprise Architecture. I personally view this as Tech Arch, though there are many who will argue about this.
- Business focused Enterprise Architecture. This broader, more holistic viewpoint is more in alignment with my personal view.
The Initial Question, Thoughts & Ideas
James Lapalme •Should coaching being an element of enterprise architecture? I completed a 1 week intensive life/professional coaching course last week. The final course assignment was to coach a total stranger. It was an amazing feeling to help a person with a topic which was dear to them. The person I coached truly appreciated the experience. People seem to really appreciate having someone to listen to them, and to help them sort out their thoughts.
Corporations would probably benefit from having coaching as an organizational component of their hierarchical structure. They spend a lot of time on action, and put almost no emphasis on reflection. Should this type of reflection be part of the enterprise architecture?
Faith Fuqua-Purvis • I cannot speak to whether it should be part of enterprise architecture, only to the value of coaching as well as some organizational observations and challenges. My sense is that it would be difficult to gain acceptance of Coaching as a formal part of enterprise architecture across the board but that it might be accepted at some organizations.
- It is often difficult to individuals to fully grasp the value of coaching until they experience it directly.
- This can be through a formal program such as you attended, a 1:1 coach, or through indirect coaching.
- I’ve observed that coaching is often associated with Mentoring. While they are similar, I do believe that they are often executed in different manners with different motivators and drivers.
- There has been a subtle perception/belief that Mentoring is to help move someone up the ladder to be more successful, while Coaching is more about “fixing” an issue or “bad behavior.”
- The skill set required to be a good coach is undervalued.
- Just like with consultants, there are good, very good, and “less good” coaches.
- I hesitate to say “bad coaches” as I don’t believe that anyone would label themselves as a coach without a minimum level of true coaching skills.
A good coach would listen in an authentic manner and seek ways to guide self revelations and self awareness. There is a great difference in acceptance rates between telling someone something and allowing them to discover it for themselves.
To be a good coach you have to make a calculated choice as to when and how often to deliver a difficult message. You need to weigh the balance of the objectives and desired outcomes of the interactions with the risks and potential land minds when talking about the metaphorical elephant in the room, overtly identifying and discussing the underlying motivations and drivers. We all are challenged to really look in the mirror some days and truly see ourselves. The image shown changes over time and should be revisited periodically.
Coaches can be hired or they can simply be people you work with or know, that help you gain a better understanding of yourself, how you operate, and how you interact with others. The desired outcome being an improvement in how you are feeling about what you are doing and the ability to operate more effectively.
Ron Thiessen • I think that one of the most intriguing dynamics I have observed over the last 10 years or so is that we have invented numerous “time-saving” gadgets that have succeeded in monopolizing our time beyond all sane measure. What this seems to have created is a rush toward initiation, progression, and completion of projects to the exclusion of thought-provoking analysis of pros and cons. In the drive to the bottom line, most corporations do not have TIME to designate to the think tank. And the type of reflection you refer to (I think) could become pretty scary because an individual might have to justify in his/her own mind why they are attempting to move at such a frenetic pace to reach…….what?
The number of clients I see who are “burned out” as a result of work stress is mounting almost daily. Invariably, one of the secrets of moving from stress to sanity is intensive self-reflection, bringing the sufferer back to the basics of existence and their Life Purpose. If corporations understood the power of key employees who are at peace with their world, they would run, not walk, their employees to the nearest conference, seminar, life coach, or psychologist.
Ari Tikka • I second Ron. Run you fools… :) I aim at making my every client a peer coach. Think of a team with every member taking responsibility of leadership and peer coaching. Sadly, the current disempowering management norm is weeding this kind of development away. Short term wins.
Doug McDavid • This brings the human element into a topic (EA) that too often focuses on the technology, or, when human social systems are considered, they are in such abstract form that the person is lost. Here’s the kind of problem that could be addressed by the right kind of coaching.
Systems developers are motivated by the desire to do something helpful for the part of the business they are closely associated with. After hundreds or thousands of well-intentioned efforts have proceeded, the bigger, enterprise-wide system of systems can be a big mess. Enterprise architecture, with its attendant governance, tries to bring coherence to this mess, but apparently with a loss of autonomy of individual development efforts. Coaching can help all parties to see other points of view, and achieve a balance of big picture and immediate practicalities.
James Lapalme • For me EA is about helping the organization to align all its dimensions (people, process and technology) in order to meet organizational visions and objectives. These dimensions encompass elements such as organizational structure, capital expense models, IT, performance management, knowledge management, process design, etc.”
If you agree with my definition then you would probably agree that EA is basically strategic business planning. In this context, my question becomes “Does coaching have a role in strategic business planning (especially when working with CxOs and senior executives)?
And the discussion went on….
Defining Enterprise Architecture – Take Two
Let’s just say that I like James’s definition and leave it at that.
Some Closing Thoughts
So what are the takeaways? What do I hope you will stop and ponder for a moment?
- What does the term Enterprise Architecture mean to you?
- Do you think at the Enterprise Architecture level?
- Is there a group focused on Enterprise Architecture at your organization? If not, why not?
- What is your personal view of the role of a Coach?
- How might you personally or someone you know benefit from a Coach
- Have you observed resistence to the concept of Coaching in your organization? If so, what and why?
- If you think coaching is valuable, how might you help your organization understand the value?
- Do you feel that you could ask for a Coach?
- Is there someone you could swap Coaching with? You Coach them and they Coach you?
- What are the challenges with this?
- What might be the unique benefits?
- What might be contributing to your own personal burnout?
- If you aren’t feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or a little crispy – Congratulations and share the secret!
- Are you using Social Networking tools to engage in thought provoking dialogs?
- If not, why not?
- Might this relate to part of what Ron touches upon?
The Challenge
Get yourself a Coach! If you can’t afford to hire a professional Coach, I encourage you to actively seek out a friend or colleague who can act as a personal Coach. It’s important to remember that this is not the same role as a mentor. The person you ask needs to have a good level of empathy, interpersonal skills, understand psychological issues, and be willing to make the time investment to help you.
The web is full of tools (some free, some not) that can help you conduct your own personality and behavioral analysis. Its important to agree about what you want as an outcome and that both parties be committed to the process. Good luck to both you and your Coach, should you decide to take on this Coaching Challenge!
Note: These are only extracts 5 of the 16 posts in this discussion. Discussions like this are a good way to challenge your and other’s thinking on a topic. Edits did not include wordsmithing, rather deletion of content not relevant to this article.
Do You Hear What I Hear?
At this point you might be thinking authentic listening, what’s that? No, your brain hasn’t failed you. Nor is it something you are likely to find in a Dictionary or on Wikipedia. It’s a term I use. Authentic listening is not the same as “active” listening but does incorporate active listening. According to Wikipedia,
“Active listening is a communication technique. Active listening requires the listener to understand, interpret, and evaluate what they hear. The ability to listen actively can improve personal relationships through reducing conflicts, strengthening cooperation, and fostering understanding.
When interacting, people often are not listening attentively. They may be distracted, thinking about other things, or thinking about what they are going to say next (the latter case is particularly true in conflict situations or disagreements). Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding to others, focusing attention on the speaker. Suspending one’s own frame of reference and suspending judgment are important to fully attend to the speaker.”
To me, to truly, genuinely, and authentically listen, you need to not only listen, but “hear” and process on multiple levels. You need to look at the words used, the intent, the context, the emotional state of the speaker, the past history between individuals, etc. You need to recognize, think through, and act upon (if appropriate) the underlying motivations, drivers, and expectations.
Hidden desires and motivations often play a big part of what is said and how it is stated. Do you really want to “hear” what someone else is saying – understand where the other person is coming from and why – or do you just want to make your point.
In addition to listening actively, being authentic in how you listen includes elements of reflective listening. Again, from Wikipedia, reflective listening attempts to “…reconstruct what the client is thinking and feeling and to relay this understanding back…”
Authentic listening includes listening actively, using reflection techniques, listening with an intent to “hear” the underlying messages, seeking to understand where another individual is coming from, processing across multiple dimensions, and being conscious of the underlying filters and motivations that you personally bring with you during a conversation.
I believe true, authentic listening is a lost art. It comes from a place of true caring – having an interest in others, their experiences, and their personal goals.
- How well do you really listen?
- Do you use active listening?
- Do you use reflective listening techniques?
- Do you really listen and “hear” what is said or are you often working to prepare your response prior to the other person finishing?
- What actions can you take to help ensure you listen more authentically?
- How would you feel if someone was really authentic when they listened to you?
- Do you hear what I hear when we talk?
May your conversations not only be active and reflective but authentic too. I hope you think that mine are. I’m not perfect (no one is) but I do always seek to be authentic. To me, life’s too short and complex enough already to be anything else. Cheers.
